Baseball Player Dies and Faces His Addictions (Near-Death Experience)

At age 19, college pitcher Bubba Herrick underwent what was supposed to be a routine Tommy John surgery. Instead, an unexpected allergic reaction to the anesthesia caused his heart to flatline on the operating table. During this medical emergency, Bubba experienced a profound near-death experience, starting with floating above his body and witnessing the doctors' panic before being pulled into a 360-degree life review.

In his life review, Bubba felt his past actions not just from his own perspective, but from the perspectives of everyone involved, including his Vietnam-veteran grandfather, his brother, and his father. He also faced the origins of his addictions to social media and pornography, which he used to escape difficult emotions. After surrendering to his fate, he was transported to a beautiful, timeless realm where he met his late stepfather, Mike, who offered him a second chance at life on the condition that he fulfill a great purpose and be ready for his next death.

Returning to his body was only the beginning of a challenging seven-year integration process. Bubba struggled with the loss of his baseball career, physical breakdowns, and intense emotional isolation. It was only after finding a community of fellow near-death experiencers and learning to channel his emotions into creative expression that he discovered his true purpose: simply being the most authentic version of himself.

Key takeaways

• An allergic reaction to anesthesia during routine surgery led to a sudden flatline and a profound near-death experience.
• The life review allowed Bubba to experience past moments from the perspectives of others, fostering deep empathy and compassion, particularly for his father.
• Bubba confronted the roots of his addictions, realizing they were coping mechanisms for unaddressed emotional pain and isolation.
• A timeless encounter with his late stepfather, Mike, resulted in a deal to return to Earth to fulfill an unstated "great purpose."
• Integrating a near-death experience can take years, often requiring a complete shift in identity, lifestyle, and emotional processing.
• True purpose is not defined by external titles or achievements, but by living as your most authentic, creative self.

Highlights

• 10:11 — Floating Above the Operating Table
• 11:04 — Experiencing the 360-Degree Life Review
• 19:07 — Confronting the Roots of Addiction
• 25:28 — Meeting Stepfather Mike on the Other Side
• 34:38 — A Metaphorical Line in the Sand
• 43:30 — Discovering the True Meaning of Purpose

00:00:00 Cold Open: The Surgery That Killed Him — floating above the table, watching the flatline
00:02:15 Meet Bubba: Tampa, Florida, youngest of four, chaotic household, a father he was afraid of
00:02:57 Divorce and Hardship: Dad's infidelity, welfare, food stamps, and baseball as the only outlet
00:05:11 Tommy John: A torn UCL and the rite-of-passage surgery every young pitcher wanted
00:06:42 The Pit in His Stomach: The pre-op nurse's allergy question, and the warning he answered around
00:09:50 Flatline: The room's confidence collapses and Bubba floats up out of his body
00:11:04 The 360° Life Review: Every moment of his life, felt from every character's perspective
00:12:26 Grandpa's Last Story: A Vietnam vet finally opens up — and a Snapchat notification pulls him away
00:19:07 The First iPad: An 11-year-old's birthday party and the shape of the addictions to come
00:23:14 Surrender: "God, I don't know if you're real, but whatever happens next is what happens"
00:25:00 Mike, on the Other Side: The shiny bald head, the red beard, the basketball game recreated
00:26:20 The Deal: A great purpose he isn't told the shape of — and be ready next time you die
00:34:38 The Frozen Pizza: Four years later, Dylan hears the story and throws the old life in the trash
00:40:20 Finding the Others: A YouTube ad, an Arizona conference, and the peace of not being alone
00:43:30 Oak Trees Don't Try to Be Palm Trees: Purpose isn't a title — it's just being who you were made to be

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And<00:04:52.880> my<00:04:53.199> plan<00:04:53.600> was<00:04:53.919> to<00:04:54.080> just<00:04:54.320> be<00:04:54.479> a<00:04:54.639> backup<00:04:55.280> just<00:04:55.520> in<00:04:55.680> case<00:04:55.840> they<00:04:56.080> needed<00:04:56.240> a<00:04:56.479> player.

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Long<00:04:57.520> story<00:04:57.759> short,<00:04:58.080> I<00:04:58.320> ended<00:04:58.560> up<00:04:58.800> performing<00:04:59.280> really,<00:04:59.520> really<00:04:59.759> well<00:05:00.160> and<00:05:00.560> they<00:05:00.880> invited<00:05:01.280> me<00:05:01.440> to<00:05:02.080> stay<00:05:02.400> on<00:05:02.639> that<00:05:02.880> team<00:05:03.919> the<00:05:04.240> the<00:05:04.560> rest<00:05:04.720> of<00:05:04.880> my<00:05:05.040> high<00:05:05.280> school

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career<00:05:06.320> and<00:05:06.639> that<00:05:06.880> got<00:05:07.120> me<00:05:07.520> a<00:05:07.840> scholarship<00:05:08.320> to<00:05:08.639> Jacksonville<00:05:09.280> University.

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I<00:05:11.600> would<00:05:11.759> feel,<00:05:12.400> you<00:05:12.560> know,<00:05:12.800> discomfort<00:05:13.280> or<00:05:13.520> pain<00:05:13.840> in<00:05:14.080> my<00:05:14.320> arm<00:05:14.560> or<00:05:14.880> elbow<00:05:15.759> and<00:05:16.639> I<00:05:16.880> I<00:05:17.520> would<00:05:17.759> push<00:05:18.000> through<00:05:18.240> it,<00:05:18.720> you<00:05:18.880> know,<00:05:18.960> and<00:05:19.120> I<00:05:19.360> would

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pretend<00:05:19.759> like<00:05:19.919> it<00:05:20.080> didn't<00:05:20.320> exist.<00:05:21.360> So<00:05:21.840> ultimately<00:05:22.240> that<00:05:22.560> ended<00:05:22.800> up<00:05:23.280> resulting<00:05:23.759> in<00:05:24.000> me<00:05:24.240> tearing<00:05:25.199> my<00:05:25.520> UCL<00:05:26.240> which<00:05:26.560> stands<00:05:26.800> for<00:05:27.840> ular

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collateral<00:05:28.960> ligament.<00:05:30.240> So<00:05:30.400> when<00:05:30.560> I<00:05:30.720> hurt<00:05:30.880> my<00:05:31.039> elbow<00:05:31.600> that<00:05:31.840> required<00:05:32.320> surgery<00:05:33.280> and<00:05:34.160> the<00:05:34.400> surgery<00:05:34.720> I<00:05:34.880> was<00:05:34.960> supposed<00:05:35.120> to<00:05:35.360> get<00:05:35.680> was<00:05:36.000> actually<00:05:36.240> named<00:05:36.639> after

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the<00:05:37.120> first<00:05:37.280> player<00:05:37.520> who<00:05:37.759> ever<00:05:37.919> got<00:05:38.080> the<00:05:38.240> surgery.<00:05:38.960> It<00:05:39.120> was<00:05:39.199> called<00:05:39.440> Tommy<00:05:39.840> John<00:05:40.160> surgery.

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And<00:05:41.759> the<00:05:42.000> surgery<00:05:42.320> had<00:05:42.560> become<00:05:42.880> so<00:05:43.199> popular<00:05:43.759> in<00:05:44.080> baseball<00:05:44.639> and<00:05:44.880> it<00:05:45.039> still<00:05:45.199> is<00:05:45.440> today<00:05:46.000> probably<00:05:46.240> a<00:05:46.400> little<00:05:46.479> bit<00:05:46.639> more<00:05:46.800> prevalent<00:05:47.120> than<00:05:47.280> it<00:05:47.520> was.

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It<00:05:48.960> it<00:05:49.199> was<00:05:49.280> almost<00:05:49.440> like<00:05:49.520> a<00:05:49.680> right<00:05:49.840> of<00:05:50.080> passage<00:05:50.880> like<00:05:51.280> you<00:05:51.520> were<00:05:51.680> cool<00:05:51.840> if<00:05:52.080> you<00:05:52.320> got<00:05:52.479> this<00:05:52.720> surgery,<00:05:53.199> you<00:05:53.360> know,<00:05:53.440> because<00:05:53.680> it<00:05:54.080> came<00:05:54.240> with<00:05:54.479> a<00:05:54.639> really<00:05:54.880> cool<00:05:55.199> scar<00:05:56.080> and<00:05:56.320> you

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got<00:05:56.639> to<00:05:56.800> tell<00:05:57.039> people,<00:05:57.680> you<00:05:57.759> know,<00:05:57.919> I<00:05:58.080> I<00:05:58.400> got<00:05:58.560> this.

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It's<00:05:59.039> like<00:05:59.120> a<00:05:59.280> war<00:05:59.520> wound.<00:06:00.080> You<00:06:00.240> know,<00:06:01.520> the<00:06:01.840> people<00:06:02.000> I<00:06:02.240> knew<00:06:02.479> who<00:06:02.720> had<00:06:02.880> it,<00:06:03.360> the<00:06:03.600> success<00:06:03.919> rate<00:06:04.160> was<00:06:04.479> really<00:06:04.720> really<00:06:05.039> high.

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So,<00:06:06.800> I<00:06:07.039> obviously<00:06:07.520> was<00:06:07.759> pretty<00:06:08.000> bummed<00:06:08.319> out<00:06:08.479> that<00:06:08.639> I<00:06:08.800> was<00:06:08.880> going<00:06:08.960> to<00:06:09.039> miss<00:06:09.280> my<00:06:09.520> freshman<00:06:09.919> season,<00:06:11.199> but<00:06:11.520> at<00:06:11.759> the<00:06:11.919> same<00:06:12.080> time,<00:06:13.120> everybody<00:06:13.520> else<00:06:13.759> came<00:06:14.000> back

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even<00:06:14.720> better,<00:06:15.199> you<00:06:15.360> know,<00:06:15.520> than<00:06:15.680> they<00:06:15.840> were<00:06:16.080> before.

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So,<00:06:18.479> I<00:06:18.639> was<00:06:18.800> I<00:06:18.960> was<00:06:19.120> pretty<00:06:19.280> excited<00:06:19.520> about<00:06:19.680> it.

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I<00:06:20.080> was<00:06:20.160> nervous,<00:06:20.880> but<00:06:21.120> I<00:06:21.360> was<00:06:21.520> excited<00:06:21.759> for<00:06:22.000> what<00:06:22.160> the<00:06:22.319> other<00:06:22.479> side<00:06:22.639> of<00:06:22.720> it<00:06:22.880> kind<00:06:23.039> of<00:06:23.120> looked<00:06:23.280> like.

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So,<00:06:25.199> the<00:06:25.360> day<00:06:25.520> before<00:06:25.759> my<00:06:26.000> surgery,<00:06:26.800> I<00:06:27.039> had<00:06:27.199> this<00:06:27.600> pre-operation<00:06:28.560> meeting<00:06:29.039> with<00:06:29.600> the<00:06:29.840> nurse,<00:06:30.319> you<00:06:30.400> know,<00:06:30.479> cuz<00:06:30.720> they<00:06:30.880> got<00:06:30.960> to<00:06:31.120> make<00:06:31.199> sure<00:06:31.280> that<00:06:31.440> they're<00:06:31.680> able<00:06:31.840> to<00:06:32.000> operate

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on<00:06:32.479> you.<00:06:33.600> She<00:06:33.840> asked<00:06:34.160> me,<00:06:34.560> you<00:06:34.639> know,<00:06:34.800> all<00:06:34.960> these<00:06:35.280> questions<00:06:35.680> to<00:06:36.000> make<00:06:36.160> sure<00:06:36.240> that<00:06:36.560> everything<00:06:36.800> was<00:06:37.120> good.

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And,<00:06:39.120> you<00:06:39.280> know,<00:06:39.520> was<00:06:39.759> I<00:06:39.919> taking<00:06:40.160> any<00:06:40.400> medications,<00:06:41.440> etc.

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and<00:06:43.360> she<00:06:43.600> got<00:06:43.840> to<00:06:44.000> the<00:06:44.240> last<00:06:44.639> question<00:06:44.960> of<00:06:45.280> her<00:06:45.840> kind<00:06:46.080> of<00:06:46.160> sheet<00:06:47.199> and<00:06:47.440> it<00:06:47.680> was,<00:06:48.160> "Are<00:06:48.560> you<00:06:48.720> allergic<00:06:49.039> to<00:06:49.280> anything<00:06:49.759> that<00:06:50.000> might<00:06:50.319> complicate<00:06:50.720> the

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surgery?"<00:06:52.400> And<00:06:52.560> when<00:06:52.800> she<00:06:52.960> asked<00:06:53.199> me<00:06:53.360> that<00:06:53.600> question,<00:06:54.639> I<00:06:54.880> just<00:06:55.120> felt<00:06:55.440> this<00:06:55.919> this<00:06:56.479> pit<00:06:56.960> in<00:06:57.199> my<00:06:57.360> stomach,<00:06:58.080> you<00:06:58.240> know,<00:06:58.319> the<00:06:58.479> the<00:06:58.720> pit<00:06:59.120> like

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in<00:06:59.440> that<00:06:59.599> solar<00:06:59.919> plexus<00:07:00.400> area<00:07:01.039> where<00:07:01.280> you<00:07:01.440> just<00:07:01.680> know<00:07:01.919> something<00:07:02.240> is<00:07:02.560> off.

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But<00:07:04.479> I<00:07:04.639> answered<00:07:04.960> her<00:07:05.199> no,<00:07:06.400> you<00:07:06.479> know.

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I<00:07:06.800> told<00:07:06.960> her<00:07:07.199> no,<00:07:07.520> I'm<00:07:07.599> I'm<00:07:07.919> not<00:07:08.080> allergic<00:07:08.400> to<00:07:08.560> anything<00:07:08.800> that<00:07:08.960> might<00:07:09.120> complicate<00:07:09.520> the<00:07:09.759> surgery<00:07:10.560> because<00:07:10.800> I<00:07:10.960> really<00:07:11.199> didn't<00:07:11.440> know<00:07:11.599> the<00:07:11.840> answer.

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I'd<00:07:13.360> never<00:07:13.520> been<00:07:13.680> under,<00:07:14.240> you<00:07:14.400> know.<00:07:16.000> The<00:07:16.160> next<00:07:16.319> day<00:07:16.479> was<00:07:16.720> obviously<00:07:17.120> my<00:07:17.280> surgery.

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And<00:07:18.560> I'm<00:07:18.800> pretty<00:07:19.039> nervous<00:07:19.360> this<00:07:19.520> day<00:07:19.759> just<00:07:19.919> cuz<00:07:20.080> that<00:07:20.319> pit<00:07:21.120> it's<00:07:21.360> still<00:07:21.520> kind<00:07:21.680> of<00:07:21.759> present<00:07:22.080> a<00:07:22.319> little<00:07:22.479> bit.

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Um,<00:07:23.599> but<00:07:23.840> my<00:07:24.080> surgeon<00:07:24.479> did<00:07:24.560> a<00:07:24.800> great<00:07:24.960> job<00:07:25.280> of,<00:07:26.319> you<00:07:26.479> know,<00:07:26.639> reassuring<00:07:27.199> my<00:07:27.360> mom<00:07:27.520> and<00:07:27.759> I<00:07:28.080> cuz<00:07:29.039> my<00:07:29.360> mom<00:07:29.599> was<00:07:30.080> so<00:07:30.400> nervous.

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you<00:07:30.880> know,<00:07:31.039> her<00:07:31.199> baby's<00:07:31.520> going<00:07:31.680> under<00:07:31.919> the<00:07:32.080> knife.<00:07:33.199> And<00:07:34.240> he<00:07:34.479> even<00:07:34.639> reassured<00:07:35.039> us<00:07:35.199> before<00:07:35.440> the<00:07:35.599> surgery.

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He<00:07:36.639> said,<00:07:36.720> "In<00:07:37.039> in<00:07:37.440> one<00:07:37.680> year,<00:07:38.319> you're<00:07:38.560> going<00:07:38.639> to<00:07:38.720> be<00:07:38.800> back<00:07:38.880> on<00:07:39.039> the<00:07:39.120> mount<00:07:39.360> throwing<00:07:39.599> harder<00:07:39.840> than<00:07:40.000> ever.

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In<00:07:40.824> two<00:07:41.010> years,<00:07:41.195> you're<00:07:41.380> going<00:07:41.566> to<00:07:41.751> be<00:07:41.936> an<00:07:42.122> all-American,<00:07:42.307> and<00:07:42.492> in<00:07:42.677> 3<00:07:42.863> years<00:07:43.048> you're<00:07:43.233> going<00:07:43.419> to<00:07:43.604> be<00:07:43.789> a<00:07:43.975> draft<00:07:44.160> pick."

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And,<00:07:46.319> you<00:07:46.400> know,<00:07:46.560> when<00:07:46.720> we<00:07:46.880> heard<00:07:47.039> that,<00:07:47.360> my<00:07:47.520> mom<00:07:47.680> and<00:07:47.840> I<00:07:48.000> were,<00:07:48.479> it<00:07:48.720> helped<00:07:48.960> ease<00:07:49.199> the<00:07:49.440> tension<00:07:49.680> a<00:07:49.919> little<00:07:50.000> bit.

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And<00:07:50.400> he<00:07:50.560> was<00:07:50.720> confident.<00:07:51.039> You<00:07:51.120> know,<00:07:51.199> he<00:07:51.360> had<00:07:51.520> performed<00:07:51.919> so<00:07:52.160> many<00:07:52.319> of<00:07:52.560> these<00:07:52.800> surgeries.

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So,<00:07:56.319> we<00:07:56.560> walk<00:07:56.800> in<00:07:57.199> and<00:07:57.520> we're<00:07:57.680> in<00:07:57.840> this<00:07:58.000> pre-operation<00:07:59.199> kind<00:07:59.360> of<00:07:59.520> holding<00:07:59.919> room,<00:08:00.560> you<00:08:00.720> know,<00:08:00.800> with<00:08:00.960> the<00:08:01.120> big<00:08:01.280> fluorescent<00:08:01.840> lights<00:08:02.160> and

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and<00:08:02.879> I've<00:08:03.120> got<00:08:03.280> my<00:08:03.440> hospital<00:08:03.759> gown<00:08:04.000> and<00:08:04.160> it's<00:08:04.400> just<00:08:04.560> really<00:08:04.800> cold<00:08:04.960> in<00:08:05.199> the<00:08:05.360> room<00:08:05.520> and<00:08:06.240> I'm<00:08:06.479> hooked<00:08:06.720> up<00:08:06.879> to<00:08:07.039> this<00:08:07.520> kind<00:08:07.680> of<00:08:07.759> like<00:08:07.919> IV<00:08:08.639> next<00:08:08.879> to<00:08:09.039> me<00:08:09.120> and<00:08:09.280> I've<00:08:09.440> got<00:08:09.599> my<00:08:09.759> mom

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to<00:08:10.080> my<00:08:10.240> left<00:08:10.479> and<00:08:10.800> he<00:08:11.039> shares<00:08:11.440> everything<00:08:11.680> that<00:08:11.840> I<00:08:12.000> just<00:08:12.160> shared<00:08:12.400> with<00:08:12.639> you<00:08:13.280> and<00:08:13.520> then<00:08:13.680> he<00:08:13.919> says,<00:08:14.400> "You<00:08:14.720> know,<00:08:14.800> the<00:08:15.039> surgery<00:08:15.199> is<00:08:15.440> going<00:08:15.520> to<00:08:15.599> last<00:08:15.840> 1<00:08:16.160> hour.

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We'll<00:08:18.160> operate<00:08:18.479> and<00:08:18.639> then<00:08:18.800> we'll<00:08:18.960> send<00:08:19.120> you<00:08:19.360> home."

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So<00:08:21.199> he<00:08:21.520> dismisses<00:08:22.080> my<00:08:22.240> mom<00:08:23.199> before<00:08:23.440> he<00:08:23.599> puts<00:08:23.759> the<00:08:23.919> anesthesia<00:08:24.479> in<00:08:24.560> my<00:08:24.720> IV.

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And<00:08:26.720> you<00:08:26.879> know,<00:08:26.960> I<00:08:27.120> I<00:08:27.280> just<00:08:27.440> look<00:08:27.599> to<00:08:27.680> my<00:08:27.840> mom.

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I'm<00:08:28.240> like,<00:08:28.560> "Mom,<00:08:29.520> she<00:08:29.759> looks<00:08:30.000> she<00:08:30.240> looks<00:08:30.479> really<00:08:30.720> nervous."

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I'm<00:08:31.547> like,<00:08:31.813> "Mom,<00:08:32.080> didn't<00:08:32.347> you<00:08:32.613> hear<00:08:32.880> him?

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Like,<00:08:33.919> I'm<00:08:34.080> going<00:08:34.159> to<00:08:34.240> be<00:08:34.320> a<00:08:34.479> draft<00:08:34.800> pick,<00:08:35.120> right?

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I<00:08:35.519> love<00:08:35.680> you.<00:08:35.839> I'll<00:08:36.000> see<00:08:36.080> you<00:08:36.159> in<00:08:36.320> an<00:08:36.479> hour."<00:08:36.880> You<00:08:37.039> know?

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She's<00:08:37.856> like,<00:08:38.032> "I<00:08:38.208> love<00:08:38.384> you,<00:08:38.560> too,<00:08:38.736> baby.<00:08:38.912> I'll<00:08:39.088> see<00:08:39.264> you<00:08:39.440> soon."

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And<00:08:41.919> you<00:08:42.080> know,<00:08:42.159> the<00:08:42.399> doctor<00:08:42.640> who<00:08:42.800> had<00:08:43.039> just<00:08:43.120> given<00:08:43.360> us<00:08:43.519> the<00:08:43.680> rundown,<00:08:44.399> he<00:08:44.640> does<00:08:44.800> exactly<00:08:45.120> what<00:08:45.279> he<00:08:45.519> says.

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He<00:08:46.160> puts<00:08:46.399> the<00:08:46.560> anesthesia<00:08:47.200> through<00:08:47.440> my<00:08:47.600> IV<00:08:48.800> and<00:08:49.920> you<00:08:50.000> know<00:08:50.160> he<00:08:50.320> says<00:08:50.480> by<00:08:50.720> the<00:08:50.800> time<00:08:50.959> we<00:08:51.120> get<00:08:51.279> to<00:08:51.440> the<00:08:51.600> the<00:08:51.920> operating<00:08:52.399> room<00:08:53.040> you're<00:08:53.279> going<00:08:53.360> to<00:08:53.440> be<00:08:53.600> unconscious<00:08:54.800> and

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you'll<00:08:55.440> wake<00:08:55.600> up<00:08:55.839> in<00:08:56.080> an<00:08:56.240> hour.<00:08:57.120> So<00:08:57.519> you<00:08:57.680> know<00:08:57.760> I<00:08:57.920> kind<00:08:58.080> of<00:08:58.160> just<00:08:58.320> like<00:08:58.640> close<00:08:58.880> my<00:08:59.040> eyes<00:08:59.279> and<00:09:00.320> expect<00:09:00.720> that<00:09:00.959> to<00:09:01.200> happen.

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And<00:09:04.160> we<00:09:04.480> get<00:09:04.560> to<00:09:04.720> the<00:09:04.880> operating<00:09:05.360> room<00:09:06.000> and<00:09:08.240> I<00:09:08.320> I<00:09:08.560> still<00:09:08.720> have<00:09:08.880> my<00:09:08.959> eyes<00:09:09.200> closed<00:09:09.440> and<00:09:09.600> it<00:09:09.760> was<00:09:09.839> almost<00:09:10.000> like<00:09:10.160> that<00:09:10.480> sensation<00:09:11.519> where

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you<00:09:12.240> know<00:09:12.399> your<00:09:12.640> eyes<00:09:12.880> are<00:09:13.040> closed<00:09:13.279> but<00:09:13.519> you<00:09:13.760> can<00:09:13.839> kind<00:09:14.080> of<00:09:14.160> feel<00:09:14.480> and<00:09:14.880> sense<00:09:15.519> everything<00:09:15.920> that's<00:09:16.240> happening<00:09:16.480> around<00:09:16.720> you<00:09:17.279> almost<00:09:17.519> like<00:09:17.680> you<00:09:17.839> could<00:09:18.000> actually<00:09:18.240> see<00:09:18.399> it

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like<00:09:19.040> almost<00:09:19.440> almost<00:09:19.680> like<00:09:19.920> you<00:09:20.080> know<00:09:20.240> what's<00:09:20.480> happening<00:09:22.720> and<00:09:24.640> you<00:09:24.800> know<00:09:24.880> I'm<00:09:25.120> kind<00:09:25.200> of<00:09:25.279> like<00:09:25.440> dozing<00:09:25.920> in<00:09:26.080> and<00:09:26.240> out<00:09:26.399> of<00:09:26.560> consciousness<00:09:27.920> but

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I'm<00:09:28.320> aware<00:09:29.760> and<00:09:30.000> when<00:09:30.160> we<00:09:30.320> get<00:09:30.480> to<00:09:30.560> the<00:09:30.720> operating<00:09:31.040> room<00:09:31.360> you<00:09:31.440> know<00:09:31.519> the<00:09:31.760> energy<00:09:32.000> of<00:09:32.160> the<00:09:32.399> room<00:09:32.720> is<00:09:32.959> is<00:09:33.440> really<00:09:33.680> great.

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It's<00:09:34.240> really<00:09:34.480> high<00:09:35.120> that<00:09:35.440> everybody<00:09:35.839> seems<00:09:36.080> really<00:09:36.399> confident<00:09:38.320> and<00:09:39.600> you<00:09:39.760> know<00:09:39.920> the<00:09:40.560> team<00:09:40.800> of<00:09:41.040> doctors<00:09:41.440> by<00:09:41.680> this<00:09:41.839> point<00:09:42.080> is

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ready<00:09:43.440> to<00:09:43.680> operate<00:09:44.000> on<00:09:44.240> me<00:09:44.399> and<00:09:44.640> I'm<00:09:44.800> I'm<00:09:45.120> now<00:09:45.279> on<00:09:45.440> the<00:09:45.600> operating<00:09:46.000> table<00:09:46.240> and<00:09:46.480> I'm<00:09:46.640> I'm<00:09:46.959> still<00:09:47.200> conscious<00:09:48.080> and<00:09:50.080> the<00:09:50.480> whole<00:09:50.800> energy<00:09:51.279> of

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the<00:09:51.760> room<00:09:52.720> just<00:09:53.040> shifted.

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You<00:09:59.120> could<00:09:59.360> feel<00:09:59.600> that<00:10:00.000> he<00:10:00.320> was<00:10:00.640> he<00:10:00.959> was<00:10:01.200> no<00:10:01.360> longer<00:10:01.760> confident.

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It<00:10:02.399> was<00:10:02.560> almost<00:10:02.880> like<00:10:04.320> something<00:10:04.640> was<00:10:04.959> really<00:10:05.279> really<00:10:05.600> wrong<00:10:06.720> and<00:10:07.120> everybody<00:10:07.519> in<00:10:07.760> the<00:10:07.920> room<00:10:08.080> kind<00:10:08.320> of<00:10:08.399> reflected<00:10:08.880> that.

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As<00:10:11.600> they're<00:10:11.920> getting<00:10:12.080> ready<00:10:12.320> to<00:10:12.480> operate<00:10:12.880> on<00:10:13.040> me,<00:10:14.640> I<00:10:14.880> just<00:10:15.120> started<00:10:15.600> floating<00:10:16.000> above<00:10:16.320> my<00:10:16.640> body.

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And<00:10:18.480> it<00:10:18.640> was<00:10:18.800> almost<00:10:19.120> like<00:10:20.640> like<00:10:20.959> if<00:10:21.200> you<00:10:21.440> were<00:10:21.519> on<00:10:21.680> the<00:10:21.839> second<00:10:22.079> floor<00:10:22.240> of<00:10:22.399> a<00:10:22.560> house<00:10:23.279> and<00:10:23.600> you<00:10:23.760> could<00:10:23.920> look<00:10:24.079> down<00:10:24.320> and<00:10:24.560> see<00:10:24.720> the<00:10:24.959> first<00:10:25.200> floor<00:10:25.519> of<00:10:25.680> of<00:10:26.000> the<00:10:26.160> house<00:10:26.560> with

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And<00:10:33.680> I<00:10:34.000> was<00:10:34.079> just<00:10:34.320> watching<00:10:34.640> from<00:10:34.880> above<00:10:35.600> as<00:10:36.160> you<00:10:36.320> know<00:10:36.480> my<00:10:36.720> body<00:10:37.120> turned<00:10:38.720> like<00:10:38.880> a<00:10:39.120> lifeless<00:10:39.600> kind<00:10:39.760> of<00:10:39.920> blue<00:10:40.880> and

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then<00:10:41.920> you<00:10:42.079> know<00:10:42.160> a<00:10:42.399> corpse-like<00:10:43.680> grayish<00:10:44.240> white.

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And<00:10:46.720> you<00:10:46.880> know,<00:10:47.040> I<00:10:47.200> I<00:10:47.680> saw<00:10:47.839> the<00:10:48.000> the<00:10:48.320> red<00:10:48.560> flat<00:10:48.959> line<00:10:49.760> on<00:10:50.079> the<00:10:50.160> the<00:10:50.480> heartbeat<00:10:50.959> monitor.

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It<00:11:04.240> was<00:11:04.399> like<00:11:04.560> a<00:11:04.800> 360°<00:11:06.959> panoramic<00:11:07.839> movie<00:11:08.560> of<00:11:08.800> my<00:11:09.040> life,<00:11:09.680> you<00:11:09.839> know,<00:11:10.000> from<00:11:10.240> start<00:11:10.560> to<00:11:10.800> finish.

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And<00:11:12.560> it<00:11:12.800> was<00:11:12.880> pretty<00:11:13.120> unique.

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It<00:11:21.200> was<00:11:21.440> more<00:11:21.760> immersive<00:11:22.240> than<00:11:22.399> that.<00:11:23.040> It<00:11:23.279> was<00:11:23.360> I<00:11:23.600> was<00:11:23.760> I<00:11:24.000> was<00:11:24.079> in<00:11:24.240> the<00:11:24.480> movie<00:11:25.120> and<00:11:25.360> I<00:11:25.519> wasn't<00:11:25.760> just<00:11:26.000> in<00:11:26.160> the<00:11:26.320> movie<00:11:26.640> from<00:11:26.880> my<00:11:27.120> own<00:11:27.360> perspective.

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I<00:11:28.720> was<00:11:28.800> in<00:11:28.959> the<00:11:29.120> movie<00:11:29.440> from<00:11:30.560> everybody's<00:11:31.200> perspective,<00:11:31.839> you<00:11:32.000> know,<00:11:32.160> from<00:11:32.399> all<00:11:32.640> the<00:11:32.880> characters<00:11:33.279> involved.

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One<00:11:35.279> of<00:11:35.360> the<00:11:35.519> first<00:11:35.760> memories<00:11:36.000> that<00:11:36.320> flashed<00:11:36.640> before<00:11:36.880> my<00:11:37.040> eyes<00:11:37.200> in<00:11:37.360> my<00:11:37.519> life<00:11:37.760> review<00:11:38.240> was<00:11:38.800> I<00:11:39.120> was<00:11:39.200> four<00:11:39.440> years<00:11:39.680> old<00:11:40.079> playing<00:11:40.320> baseball<00:11:40.720> in<00:11:40.959> the<00:11:41.120> backyard<00:11:42.240> and<00:11:42.640> you<00:11:42.800> know

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I<00:11:43.040> had<00:11:43.279> drawn<00:11:44.160> uh<00:11:44.720> like<00:11:44.959> a<00:11:45.200> strike<00:11:45.519> zone<00:11:46.640> on<00:11:46.800> on<00:11:47.120> our<00:11:47.360> wooden<00:11:47.600> fence<00:11:47.920> with<00:11:48.160> some<00:11:48.320> chalk<00:11:49.200> and<00:11:49.360> I<00:11:49.600> was<00:11:49.760> just<00:11:50.240> pretending<00:11:50.640> like<00:11:50.880> I

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was<00:11:51.200> pitching<00:11:51.600> in<00:11:52.000> the<00:11:52.240> World<00:11:52.560> Series<00:11:53.120> against<00:11:53.519> one<00:11:53.760> of<00:11:53.839> my<00:11:54.000> favorite<00:11:54.160> players<00:11:54.560> growing<00:11:54.880> up.

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His<00:11:55.600> name<00:11:55.680> was<00:11:55.839> Albert<00:11:56.160> Puh<00:11:56.399> Holes.<00:11:57.360> And<00:11:58.560> you<00:11:58.720> know,<00:11:58.880> I<00:11:59.040> got<00:11:59.200> to<00:11:59.360> see<00:11:59.519> moments<00:11:59.839> like<00:12:00.079> that,<00:12:00.560> like<00:12:01.200> really<00:12:01.519> wholesome<00:12:02.800> beautiful<00:12:03.279> moments

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where,<00:12:04.880> you<00:12:05.040> know,<00:12:05.279> maybe<00:12:07.200> birthday<00:12:07.600> parties<00:12:08.320> or<00:12:09.120> special<00:12:09.519> occasions<00:12:10.160> or<00:12:10.560> just<00:12:11.279> fun<00:12:11.600> games<00:12:12.000> with<00:12:12.240> my

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friends,<00:12:13.440> but<00:12:14.560> you<00:12:14.639> know,<00:12:14.800> I<00:12:14.959> also<00:12:15.200> got<00:12:15.440> to<00:12:15.600> see<00:12:15.839> kind<00:12:16.000> of<00:12:16.160> all<00:12:16.320> the<00:12:16.560> moments<00:12:16.800> of<00:12:16.959> my<00:12:17.200> life<00:12:17.440> that<00:12:19.200> maybe<00:12:19.519> weren't<00:12:19.839> so<00:12:20.079> positive<00:12:20.959> and

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memorable<00:12:22.639> for<00:12:22.880> the<00:12:23.040> reasons<00:12:23.279> that<00:12:23.519> those<00:12:23.760> other<00:12:24.000> memories<00:12:24.399> were<00:12:24.639> memorable.

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You<00:12:26.766> know,<00:12:27.134> for<00:12:27.501> example,<00:12:27.868> like<00:12:28.236> <00:12:28.603> my<00:12:28.970> grandpa,<00:12:29.338> he<00:12:29.705> was<00:12:30.072> a<00:12:30.440> Vietnam<00:12:30.807> veteran<00:12:31.174> <00:12:31.541> and<00:12:31.909> there<00:12:32.276> was<00:12:32.643> a<00:12:33.011> specific<00:12:33.378> memory<00:12:33.745> that<00:12:34.113> flashed<00:12:34.480> before

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my<00:12:34.959> eyes<00:12:35.680> where<00:12:36.000> he<00:12:36.160> and<00:12:36.320> I<00:12:36.480> were<00:12:36.720> watching<00:12:37.040> the<00:12:37.200> crisis<00:12:37.680> right<00:12:38.000> on<00:12:38.240> TV.

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His<00:12:40.079> health<00:12:40.240> was<00:12:40.480> really<00:12:40.720> really<00:12:40.959> bad<00:12:41.279> at<00:12:41.519> this<00:12:41.680> time.

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He<00:12:43.200> he<00:12:43.839> like<00:12:44.079> many<00:12:44.399> other<00:12:45.040> veterans,<00:12:45.680> you<00:12:45.760> know,<00:12:45.920> they<00:12:46.079> didn't<00:12:46.320> talk<00:12:46.560> about<00:12:47.360> what<00:12:47.600> they'd<00:12:48.000> what<00:12:48.160> he'd<00:12:48.480> experienced.

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I<00:12:51.519> would<00:12:52.000> would<00:12:52.240> ask<00:12:52.480> all<00:12:52.720> the<00:12:52.880> time.

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But<00:12:57.360> for<00:12:57.519> whatever<00:12:57.839> reason<00:12:58.079> on<00:12:58.240> this<00:12:58.480> particular<00:12:58.880> day,<00:12:59.600> he<00:12:59.839> did<00:13:00.079> share.

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I'm<00:13:23.760> probably<00:13:23.920> about<00:13:24.240> 15<00:13:24.560> at<00:13:24.880> this<00:13:25.040> time<00:13:25.920> and<00:13:26.160> I<00:13:26.320> go<00:13:26.480> from,<00:13:26.800> you<00:13:26.959> know,<00:13:27.120> being<00:13:27.279> in<00:13:27.519> this<00:13:27.760> story<00:13:28.000> with<00:13:28.240> him<00:13:28.480> to,<00:13:29.519> you<00:13:29.680> know,<00:13:29.839> now<00:13:30.000> I'm<00:13:30.160> looking<00:13:30.399> down<00:13:30.560> at<00:13:30.800> my<00:13:30.959> phone<00:13:32.639> and

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One<00:14:19.120> of<00:14:19.199> the<00:14:19.279> better<00:14:19.519> memories<00:14:19.839> was<00:14:20.399> a<00:14:20.720> basketball<00:14:21.199> game<00:14:21.360> that<00:14:21.600> I<00:14:21.760> played<00:14:22.000> with<00:14:22.160> Mike,<00:14:22.800> who<00:14:23.040> was<00:14:23.199> my<00:14:23.440> stepfather.

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My<00:14:30.160> dad<00:14:30.320> was<00:14:30.560> hard.<00:14:30.959> He<00:14:31.120> was<00:14:31.279> disciplinary.<00:14:32.079> He<00:14:32.320> was,<00:14:32.880> you<00:14:32.959> know,<00:14:33.120> I<00:14:33.279> was<00:14:33.360> afraid<00:14:33.680> of<00:14:33.839> him<00:14:34.000> growing<00:14:34.320> up.

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One<00:18:38.080> other<00:18:38.320> thing<00:18:38.400> that<00:18:38.640> came<00:18:38.880> up<00:18:39.120> was<00:18:40.720> because<00:18:41.039> of<00:18:41.200> how<00:18:41.440> much<00:18:41.600> I<00:18:41.760> had<00:18:41.919> gone<00:18:42.080> through<00:18:42.320> as<00:18:42.480> a<00:18:42.640> kid,<00:18:43.360> because<00:18:43.600> of<00:18:43.760> how<00:18:43.919> lonely<00:18:44.240> I<00:18:44.559> felt,<00:18:45.520> because<00:18:46.400> my

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You<00:22:03.679> know,<00:22:03.760> after<00:22:04.080> my<00:22:04.240> life<00:22:04.559> review,<00:22:05.600> I<00:22:05.840> had<00:22:06.000> seen<00:22:07.280> everything<00:22:08.000> that<00:22:08.240> I<00:22:08.400> had<00:22:08.559> done,<00:22:09.200> you<00:22:09.360> know,<00:22:09.520> wrong<00:22:10.159> or<00:22:10.400> that<00:22:10.640> I<00:22:10.799> wanted<00:22:11.039> to<00:22:11.280> change<00:22:11.520> or

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that<00:22:12.000> I<00:22:12.080> I<00:22:12.480> now<00:22:12.720> knew<00:22:13.039> honestly<00:22:13.520> how<00:22:13.760> to<00:22:13.919> change.

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Growing<00:22:16.080> up,<00:22:16.240> I<00:22:16.480> didn't<00:22:16.960> believe<00:22:17.280> in<00:22:17.600> God.

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But<00:22:18.960> after<00:22:19.280> my<00:22:19.520> life<00:22:19.760> review,<00:22:20.320> I<00:22:20.640> found<00:22:20.799> myself<00:22:21.200> calling<00:22:21.600> out<00:22:21.760> for<00:22:22.000> God.

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And<00:22:24.159> I<00:22:24.400> was<00:22:24.480> like,<00:22:24.720> God,<00:22:25.120> like,<00:22:26.240> please<00:22:26.720> give<00:22:26.880> me<00:22:27.039> a<00:22:27.280> second<00:22:27.520> chance<00:22:27.840> to<00:22:28.080> do<00:22:28.159> this<00:22:28.559> right<00:22:28.960> because<00:22:29.360> I<00:22:29.679> know<00:22:30.320> you<00:22:30.480> know<00:22:30.640> what<00:22:30.799> I<00:22:30.960> need<00:22:31.120> to<00:22:31.280> do<00:22:31.440> now.

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I<00:22:32.559> I<00:22:32.640> I<00:22:33.200> saw<00:22:34.080> this<00:22:34.240> this<00:22:34.640> memory<00:22:34.880> with<00:22:35.120> my<00:22:35.280> grandpa<00:22:36.000> and<00:22:36.240> I've<00:22:36.480> I've<00:22:36.799> learned<00:22:37.039> what<00:22:37.280> I<00:22:37.440> need<00:22:37.520> to<00:22:37.760> learn<00:22:38.000> from<00:22:38.799> from<00:22:39.360> feeling<00:22:39.760> what<00:22:40.000> it<00:22:40.240> feels<00:22:40.480> like

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to<00:22:40.960> die<00:22:41.200> that<00:22:41.520> way.<00:22:42.240> So<00:22:42.559> God,<00:22:42.799> if<00:22:42.960> you're<00:22:43.200> real,<00:22:43.520> you<00:22:43.600> know,<00:22:43.760> just<00:22:44.000> just<00:22:44.400> give<00:22:44.720> me<00:22:45.440> a<00:22:45.679> second<00:22:46.000> chance.

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And<00:22:49.120> you<00:22:49.200> know,<00:22:49.440> at<00:22:49.600> first<00:22:49.840> there<00:22:50.000> was<00:22:50.240> there<00:22:50.480> was<00:22:50.640> no<00:22:50.880> response.

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It<00:22:52.320> was<00:22:52.559> just<00:22:54.000> kind<00:22:54.240> of<00:22:54.320> in<00:22:54.480> this<00:22:54.640> like<00:22:54.799> holding<00:22:55.200> space<00:22:55.520> between<00:22:55.919> life<00:22:56.159> and<00:22:56.320> death,<00:22:56.799> if<00:22:57.039> you<00:22:57.120> will.

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And<00:23:01.039> you<00:23:01.200> know,<00:23:01.360> eventually<00:23:01.760> I<00:23:02.000> realized

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there's<00:23:04.799> no<00:23:05.039> time<00:23:05.120> left<00:23:05.360> to<00:23:05.520> fix<00:23:05.760> this.<00:23:06.400> So<00:23:08.799> this<00:23:09.039> is<00:23:09.120> it.

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You<00:23:09.679> know,<00:23:09.760> I<00:23:09.919> I<00:23:10.000> I<00:23:10.480> must<00:23:10.720> accept<00:23:11.200> my<00:23:11.440> fate<00:23:11.760> at<00:23:12.000> this<00:23:12.240> point.

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And<00:23:14.080> so<00:23:14.240> I<00:23:14.480> just<00:23:14.640> completely<00:23:14.960> surrendered<00:23:15.919> and<00:23:16.080> I<00:23:16.320> said,<00:23:16.400> "God,<00:23:17.679> I<00:23:17.919> don't<00:23:18.000> know<00:23:18.080> if<00:23:18.240> you're<00:23:18.480> real<00:23:18.720> or<00:23:18.960> not,<00:23:20.559> but<00:23:20.799> whatever's<00:23:21.280> going<00:23:21.440> to<00:23:21.520> happen<00:23:21.840> next<00:23:22.080> is

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is<00:23:22.799> just<00:23:22.960> going<00:23:23.200> it's<00:23:23.840> it's<00:23:24.159> what's<00:23:24.400> going<00:23:24.480> to<00:23:24.640> happen<00:23:25.760> and<00:23:26.000> I<00:23:26.159> surrender<00:23:26.559> to<00:23:26.799> it.

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And<00:23:28.320> as<00:23:28.559> soon<00:23:28.720> as<00:23:28.880> I<00:23:29.120> did<00:23:29.280> that,<00:23:30.720> I<00:23:31.039> was<00:23:31.919> immediately<00:23:32.640> again<00:23:33.039> without<00:23:33.520> transition.

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Shuttled<00:23:37.280> into<00:23:37.600> this<00:23:37.919> place<00:23:38.240> that<00:23:38.559> was<00:23:38.799> just<00:23:39.840> the<00:23:40.159> most<00:23:40.400> beautiful<00:23:40.799> place<00:23:41.120> I<00:23:41.280> had<00:23:41.440> ever<00:23:41.679> seen<00:23:42.559> in<00:23:42.799> my<00:23:43.039> life.

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It<00:23:44.720> was<00:23:44.799> like<00:23:45.039> I<00:23:45.280> was

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It<00:23:51.520> was<00:23:51.600> the<00:23:51.760> most<00:23:51.919> beautiful<00:23:52.240> place<00:23:52.400> I'd<00:23:52.640> ever<00:23:52.799> seen.<00:23:54.799> It<00:23:55.120> was<00:23:55.200> like<00:23:55.440> I<00:23:55.679> was<00:23:55.840> looking<00:23:56.000> at<00:23:56.159> the<00:23:56.400> outside<00:23:56.799> world<00:23:57.120> from<00:23:58.320> the<00:23:58.640> perspective<00:23:59.039> of<00:23:59.200> the<00:23:59.440> inside

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of<00:23:59.840> a<00:24:00.000> diamond<00:24:01.039> and<00:24:01.280> there<00:24:01.520> were<00:24:01.760> these<00:24:02.159> refracted<00:24:03.360> kind<00:24:03.600> of<00:24:03.760> combinations<00:24:04.320> of<00:24:04.640> light<00:24:06.320> formulating<00:24:06.960> this<00:24:07.280> one<00:24:08.159> universal

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color.<00:24:10.400> And<00:24:11.120> you<00:24:11.200> know<00:24:11.360> I<00:24:11.600> didn't<00:24:11.760> have<00:24:12.159> a<00:24:12.480> body<00:24:12.960> in<00:24:13.279> this<00:24:13.440> place.

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I<00:24:14.656> didn't<00:24:14.912> have<00:24:15.168> a<00:24:15.424> mind.<00:24:15.680> You<00:24:15.936> know<00:24:16.192> how<00:24:16.448> we<00:24:16.704> have<00:24:16.960> this<00:24:17.216> mind<00:24:17.472> chatter<00:24:17.728> all<00:24:17.984> the<00:24:18.240> time<00:24:18.496> that<00:24:18.752> kind<00:24:19.008> of<00:24:19.264> distracts<00:24:19.520> us?

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the<00:24:20.799> voice<00:24:21.039> in<00:24:21.200> our<00:24:21.360> head<00:24:21.520> that<00:24:21.679> that<00:24:22.000> says<00:24:22.159> we're<00:24:22.400> not<00:24:22.559> good<00:24:22.720> enough<00:24:23.120> or<00:24:24.000> whatever<00:24:24.400> it<00:24:24.640> says,<00:24:24.960> right?

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That<00:24:26.720> wasn't<00:24:27.039> present<00:24:27.360> at<00:24:27.600> all.<00:24:29.120> And<00:24:29.919> you<00:24:30.080> know,<00:24:30.240> I<00:24:30.400> didn't<00:24:30.640> really<00:24:30.880> have<00:24:30.960> an<00:24:31.200> ability<00:24:31.520> to<00:24:31.760> think<00:24:32.159> thoughts<00:24:32.720> in<00:24:32.960> this<00:24:33.200> place,<00:24:33.520> but<00:24:33.760> I<00:24:33.919> just<00:24:34.880> I

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just<00:24:35.360> knew<00:24:35.919> everything<00:24:36.799> like<00:24:37.039> I<00:24:37.279> knew<00:24:37.600> things<00:24:38.480> and<00:24:38.720> I<00:24:38.880> I<00:24:39.200> was<00:24:39.520> I<00:24:39.760> was<00:24:39.919> supposed<00:24:40.159> to<00:24:40.320> be<00:24:40.480> dead,<00:24:41.760> but<00:24:42.000> I<00:24:42.240> felt<00:24:42.559> more<00:24:43.120> alive<00:24:44.240> than

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I'd<00:24:44.720> ever<00:24:45.039> felt<00:24:45.360> in<00:24:45.679> my<00:24:45.840> life.<00:24:47.520> I<00:24:47.760> had<00:24:47.919> no<00:24:48.080> concept<00:24:48.400> of<00:24:48.559> time<00:24:48.799> in<00:24:49.039> this<00:24:49.200> place.

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It<00:24:50.480> was<00:24:50.559> like<00:24:50.720> me<00:24:50.880> and<00:24:51.120> time<00:24:51.360> were<00:24:51.600> the<00:24:51.840> same<00:24:52.080> thing.

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I<00:24:53.600> didn't<00:24:53.760> know<00:24:53.919> how<00:24:54.159> long<00:24:54.559> I<00:24:54.799> was<00:24:54.880> in<00:24:55.039> this<00:24:55.200> place.

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It<00:24:55.679> could<00:24:55.760> have<00:24:55.919> been<00:24:56.559> forever<00:24:57.279> or<00:24:57.520> it<00:24:57.760> could<00:24:57.840> have<00:24:58.000> been<00:24:58.640> just<00:24:58.880> a<00:24:59.120> second.

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But<00:25:01.840> all<00:25:02.080> of<00:25:02.240> the<00:25:02.400> sudden,<00:25:03.279> this<00:25:03.520> strange<00:25:04.000> figure<00:25:04.480> begins<00:25:04.880> to<00:25:05.039> appear<00:25:05.440> in<00:25:05.679> the<00:25:05.840> distance.

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And<00:25:07.600> this<00:25:07.840> figure,<00:25:08.799> you<00:25:08.960> know,<00:25:09.279> he<00:25:09.520> has<00:25:09.600> a<00:25:09.840> I<00:25:10.000> can<00:25:10.159> see<00:25:10.240> it<00:25:10.320> from<00:25:10.480> the<00:25:10.640> distance.

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has<00:25:11.120> a<00:25:11.279> glossy<00:25:12.080> kind<00:25:12.320> of<00:25:12.480> shiny<00:25:12.960> bald<00:25:13.360> head<00:25:14.240> and<00:25:14.559> a<00:25:15.039> a<00:25:15.440> red<00:25:15.679> beard<00:25:16.480> with<00:25:16.720> a<00:25:16.960> really<00:25:17.200> beautiful<00:25:17.600> smile<00:25:18.159> that<00:25:18.400> kind<00:25:18.640> of<00:25:18.720> sat<00:25:19.440> above

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the<00:25:20.080> beard.<00:25:21.600> And<00:25:22.880> immediately<00:25:24.240> this<00:25:24.480> figure<00:25:25.520> passes<00:25:25.919> me<00:25:26.080> a<00:25:26.320> basketball.

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And<00:25:28.480> the<00:25:28.720> figure<00:25:30.080> was<00:25:30.400> Mike.

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And<00:25:33.679> we<00:25:34.000> start<00:25:34.240> recreating<00:25:34.880> that<00:25:35.200> same,<00:25:36.159> you<00:25:36.320> know,<00:25:36.559> basketball<00:25:37.039> game<00:25:37.520> that<00:25:37.840> I<00:25:38.000> had<00:25:38.159> just<00:25:38.559> experienced<00:25:39.120> in<00:25:39.279> my<00:25:39.440> life<00:25:39.679> review.

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You<00:25:40.640> know,<00:25:40.720> the<00:25:40.960> one<00:25:41.039> that<00:25:41.279> just<00:25:41.440> stuck<00:25:41.679> with<00:25:41.919> me<00:25:42.159> so<00:25:42.960> profoundly.

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And<00:25:46.400> we<00:25:46.720> play<00:25:46.880> this<00:25:47.120> game<00:25:47.360> for<00:25:47.600> what<00:25:47.760> feels<00:25:48.080> like<00:25:48.240> forever.

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And<00:25:50.640> the<00:25:50.880> only<00:25:51.200> difference<00:25:51.520> between<00:25:52.159> this<00:25:52.559> game<00:25:53.360> and<00:25:53.679> the<00:25:53.919> game<00:25:54.159> that<00:25:54.480> I<00:25:55.679> played<00:25:55.919> with<00:25:56.080> him<00:25:56.240> when<00:25:56.400> I<00:25:56.559> was<00:25:56.720> 12<00:25:57.600> was

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I<00:25:58.159> was<00:25:58.240> 19.<00:25:58.720> You<00:25:58.880> know,<00:25:58.960> this<00:25:59.200> was<00:25:59.360> happening<00:25:59.600> in<00:25:59.840> real<00:26:00.159> time.

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The<00:26:01.840> energy<00:26:03.039> which<00:26:03.279> was<00:26:03.440> very<00:26:03.679> live<00:26:03.919> and<00:26:04.159> present.

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It<00:26:05.360> was<00:26:05.679> fun<00:26:06.159> and<00:26:06.559> loving<00:26:07.120> and<00:26:07.840> it<00:26:08.000> was<00:26:08.080> just<00:26:08.240> the<00:26:08.480> best<00:26:08.720> game.

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After<00:26:10.799> the<00:26:11.039> game,<00:26:12.240> the<00:26:12.559> tone<00:26:13.120> it<00:26:13.440> shifts<00:26:13.679> a<00:26:13.919> little<00:26:14.000> bit.

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And<00:26:14.400> Mike,<00:26:15.679> he<00:26:15.919> becomes<00:26:16.320> more<00:26:16.799> kind<00:26:17.039> of<00:26:17.279> fatherly<00:26:18.159> and<00:26:18.559> a<00:26:18.720> little<00:26:18.880> bit<00:26:19.039> stern.

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And<00:26:20.480> then<00:26:20.640> he<00:26:20.880> says,<00:26:21.919> "I'm<00:26:22.400> here<00:26:23.360> to<00:26:23.600> offer<00:26:23.919> you<00:26:24.159> something."

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He<00:26:25.520> says,<00:26:25.600> "I<00:26:26.000> know<00:26:26.159> how<00:26:26.400> badly<00:26:26.960> you<00:26:27.279> wanted<00:26:27.600> that<00:26:27.840> second<00:26:28.159> chance<00:26:28.880> after<00:26:29.200> your<00:26:29.360> life<00:26:29.600> review.

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I<00:26:30.720> know<00:26:30.799> the<00:26:31.039> guilt<00:26:31.279> that<00:26:31.440> you<00:26:31.600> felt<00:26:31.919> and<00:26:32.240> the<00:26:32.480> shame<00:26:32.880> and<00:26:33.200> the<00:26:33.360> regret."

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And<00:26:34.960> he<00:26:35.120> says,<00:26:35.279> "I'm<00:26:35.679> here<00:26:36.640> to<00:26:36.880> offer<00:26:37.120> you<00:26:37.360> that<00:26:37.600> second<00:26:37.919> chance.

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But<00:26:39.919> if<00:26:40.159> I<00:26:40.559> give<00:26:40.799> you<00:26:41.039> this<00:26:41.279> second<00:26:41.679> chance,<00:26:43.360> you<00:26:43.600> have<00:26:43.760> to<00:26:43.919> promise<00:26:44.240> me<00:26:44.400> that<00:26:44.640> you're<00:26:44.880> going<00:26:44.960> to<00:26:45.120> live<00:26:45.279> out<00:26:45.440> your<00:26:45.679> great<00:26:45.919> purpose,<00:26:47.200> and<00:26:47.440> the<00:26:47.679> next<00:26:47.840> time

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you<00:26:48.320> die,<00:26:49.360> you<00:26:49.520> need<00:26:49.679> to<00:26:49.840> be<00:26:50.000> ready<00:26:50.159> for<00:26:50.400> it."

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And<00:26:52.489> I<00:26:52.738> asked<00:26:52.987> him,<00:26:53.236> I<00:26:53.484> said,<00:26:53.733> "What<00:26:53.982> what's<00:26:54.231> the<00:26:54.480> purpose?"

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Like,<00:26:55.120> "What's<00:26:55.440> this<00:26:55.600> great<00:26:55.840> purpose<00:26:56.080> that<00:26:56.320> you're<00:26:56.480> talking<00:26:56.720> about?"

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And<00:26:57.919> he<00:26:58.080> says,<00:26:58.159> "I<00:26:58.480> can't<00:26:58.640> tell<00:26:58.799> you<00:26:58.960> what<00:26:59.200> that<00:26:59.440> purpose<00:26:59.679> is.

00:27:00.080 --> 00:27:05.760
All<00:27:00.240> I<00:27:00.400> can<00:27:00.559> tell<00:27:00.640> you<00:27:00.799> is<00:27:00.960> the<00:27:01.200> next<00:27:01.360> time<00:27:01.520> you<00:27:01.760> die,<00:27:02.559> you<00:27:02.799> need<00:27:02.960> to<00:27:03.039> be<00:27:03.200> ready<00:27:03.360> for<00:27:03.520> it.

00:27:05.760 --> 00:27:12.799
And<00:27:07.279> I<00:27:07.520> didn't<00:27:07.679> want<00:27:07.760> to<00:27:07.919> leave<00:27:08.240> that<00:27:08.559> place,<00:27:10.000> you<00:27:10.159> know,<00:27:10.320> that<00:27:10.640> place<00:27:11.600> that<00:27:11.840> was<00:27:12.000> my<00:27:12.240> home.

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And<00:27:12.960> it<00:27:13.120> it<00:27:13.600> felt<00:27:14.320> like<00:27:14.559> my<00:27:14.799> home.

00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:20.720
At<00:27:16.640> the<00:27:16.799> same<00:27:17.039> time,<00:27:18.640> I<00:27:18.880> knew<00:27:19.039> I<00:27:19.279> had<00:27:19.360> a<00:27:19.600> responsibility.

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You<00:27:20.799> know,<00:27:20.960> Mike<00:27:21.279> told<00:27:21.360> me<00:27:21.520> I<00:27:21.679> had<00:27:21.760> a<00:27:21.919> great<00:27:22.000> purpose<00:27:22.240> that<00:27:22.480> I<00:27:22.640> needed<00:27:22.799> to<00:27:22.960> serve<00:27:23.679> and<00:27:24.000> I<00:27:24.159> knew<00:27:24.559> everything<00:27:24.880> that<00:27:25.120> I<00:27:25.279> had<00:27:25.440> seen<00:27:25.600> in<00:27:25.760> my<00:27:25.919> life<00:27:26.080> review<00:27:27.200> that<00:27:27.440> I<00:27:27.600> had<00:27:27.679> to<00:27:27.760> go

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write<00:27:28.159> those<00:27:28.400> wrongs<00:27:28.720> and<00:27:28.960> I<00:27:29.120> had<00:27:29.200> to<00:27:29.360> to<00:27:29.440> to<00:27:29.840> make<00:27:30.000> sure<00:27:30.080> that<00:27:30.320> the<00:27:30.559> next<00:27:30.640> time<00:27:30.799> I<00:27:30.960> died,<00:27:31.200> I<00:27:31.440> needed<00:27:31.600> to<00:27:31.760> be<00:27:31.919> ready<00:27:32.000> for<00:27:32.240> it.

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So<00:27:35.200> very<00:27:35.520> reluctantly,<00:27:36.240> I<00:27:36.480> didn't<00:27:36.640> want<00:27:36.799> to<00:27:36.960> leave.

00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:46.000
I<00:27:38.320> accepted<00:27:38.640> his<00:27:38.880> offer.<00:27:40.320> And<00:27:41.600> you<00:27:41.679> know,<00:27:41.840> he<00:27:42.000> assured<00:27:42.320> me<00:27:42.480> that<00:27:42.640> I'd<00:27:42.880> see<00:27:43.039> him<00:27:43.200> again<00:27:43.440> in<00:27:43.760> this<00:27:43.919> place<00:27:44.159> once<00:27:44.480> my<00:27:44.640> purpose<00:27:44.960> was<00:27:45.200> served.

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I'd<00:27:46.320> be<00:27:46.480> back<00:27:47.200> here<00:27:47.520> with<00:27:47.760> him.

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And<00:27:49.520> then<00:27:51.200> he<00:27:51.520> disappeared.

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And<00:27:52.480> I<00:27:52.720> was<00:27:52.799> kind<00:27:52.960> of<00:27:53.039> back<00:27:53.200> on<00:27:53.360> that<00:27:53.600> second<00:27:53.919> story<00:27:54.960> of<00:27:55.200> that<00:27:55.440> proverbial<00:27:56.000> house.

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And<00:27:57.279> I<00:27:57.440> watched<00:27:57.679> from<00:27:57.919> above<00:27:59.200> as<00:27:59.520> the<00:27:59.760> doctors,<00:28:00.640> you<00:28:00.799> know,<00:28:00.960> saved<00:28:01.200> my<00:28:01.440> life.

00:28:05.919 --> 00:28:14.799
I<00:28:06.240> remember<00:28:06.480> looking<00:28:06.799> at<00:28:06.960> them<00:28:07.520> and<00:28:07.760> then<00:28:08.960> waking<00:28:09.360> up<00:28:09.520> in<00:28:09.760> my<00:28:10.000> body<00:28:10.720> and<00:28:11.039> just<00:28:11.279> being<00:28:11.760> so<00:28:12.960> overly<00:28:13.440> flustered.

00:28:14.799 --> 00:28:23.120
I<00:28:15.039> was<00:28:15.200> like<00:28:16.399> it<00:28:16.559> was<00:28:16.720> almost<00:28:16.880> like<00:28:17.039> you<00:28:17.279> just<00:28:17.440> got<00:28:17.919> jolted<00:28:18.880> out<00:28:19.120> of<00:28:19.279> a<00:28:19.600> of<00:28:19.919> a<00:28:21.840> I<00:28:22.080> don't<00:28:22.159> know<00:28:22.320> a<00:28:22.559> movie<00:28:22.880> you

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didn't<00:28:23.279> ask<00:28:23.520> to<00:28:23.760> be<00:28:24.240> to<00:28:24.480> be<00:28:24.640> in<00:28:25.120> and<00:28:25.360> you're<00:28:25.600> back<00:28:25.679> in<00:28:25.919> your<00:28:26.080> real<00:28:26.320> life<00:28:26.640> and<00:28:26.880> you're<00:28:27.039> just<00:28:27.200> like<00:28:28.799> what<00:28:29.039> in<00:28:29.279> the<00:28:29.440> world<00:28:29.679> just<00:28:30.000> happened?

00:28:32.080 --> 00:28:36.640
As<00:28:32.320> soon<00:28:32.480> as<00:28:32.559> I<00:28:32.799> woke<00:28:33.039> up,<00:28:33.760> it<00:28:34.000> felt<00:28:34.159> like<00:28:34.320> I<00:28:34.399> had<00:28:34.559> got<00:28:34.799> hit<00:28:34.960> by<00:28:35.120> a<00:28:35.279> truck.

00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:44.880
You<00:28:36.799> know,<00:28:36.960> my<00:28:37.200> face<00:28:37.440> was<00:28:37.840> so<00:28:38.159> so<00:28:38.240> so<00:28:39.520> crazy<00:28:40.000> puffed<00:28:40.399> up<00:28:40.880> and<00:28:41.600> swollen<00:28:42.240> and<00:28:42.480> my<00:28:42.720> eyes<00:28:42.960> were<00:28:43.200> like<00:28:44.080> barely<00:28:44.480> able<00:28:44.720> to

00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:53.520
be<00:28:45.039> open<00:28:46.080> and<00:28:46.320> my<00:28:46.559> skin<00:28:46.799> was<00:28:47.039> so<00:28:47.279> so<00:28:47.600> pale<00:28:48.720> and<00:28:48.960> I<00:28:49.200> was<00:28:49.279> completely<00:28:49.679> immobile<00:28:50.720> and<00:28:50.960> every<00:28:51.279> kind<00:28:51.520> of<00:28:51.679> like<00:28:52.000> move<00:28:52.320> that<00:28:52.640> I<00:28:52.880> made

00:28:53.520 --> 00:29:03.200
like<00:28:53.679> if<00:28:53.919> I<00:28:54.000> turned<00:28:54.240> my<00:28:54.399> head<00:28:54.799> it<00:28:54.960> was<00:28:55.039> just<00:28:55.279> this<00:28:56.080> electric<00:28:56.559> shock<00:28:56.880> went<00:28:57.120> through<00:28:57.279> my<00:28:57.520> body<00:28:57.840> that<00:28:58.159> just<00:28:58.320> told<00:28:58.480> me<00:28:58.640> like<00:28:58.960> don't<00:28:59.520> don't<00:28:59.919> move<00:29:00.559> you<00:29:00.720> know<00:29:02.159> and

00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:10.880
and<00:29:03.360> you<00:29:03.520> know<00:29:03.600> as<00:29:03.760> soon<00:29:03.840> as<00:29:04.000> I<00:29:04.159> kind<00:29:04.240> of<00:29:04.320> got<00:29:04.480> settled<00:29:04.799> in<00:29:05.200> I<00:29:05.360> was<00:29:05.520> little<00:29:06.159> loopy<00:29:06.640> and<00:29:06.880> out<00:29:07.039> of<00:29:07.200> it<00:29:07.440> cuz<00:29:07.679> they<00:29:07.840> had<00:29:07.919> to<00:29:08.080> use<00:29:08.240> a<00:29:08.480> bunch<00:29:08.640> of<00:29:09.279> drugs<00:29:09.679> to<00:29:09.919> revive<00:29:10.240> me<00:29:10.399> or<00:29:10.640> maybe

00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:14.640
like<00:29:11.440> some<00:29:11.679> of<00:29:11.760> the<00:29:11.840> anesthesia<00:29:12.480> was<00:29:12.640> still<00:29:12.799> in<00:29:12.960> my<00:29:13.120> system<00:29:13.440> or<00:29:13.679> whatever.

00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:18.480
So,<00:29:14.880> I<00:29:15.039> wasn't<00:29:15.279> exactly,<00:29:15.840> you<00:29:16.000> know,<00:29:16.159> perfectly<00:29:16.640> coherent.

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And<00:29:18.720> I<00:29:18.960> shared<00:29:19.279> the<00:29:19.600> story<00:29:20.799> immediately<00:29:21.760> just<00:29:21.919> like<00:29:22.080> I<00:29:22.240> had<00:29:22.399> shared<00:29:22.559> it<00:29:22.720> to<00:29:22.880> you<00:29:23.039> just<00:29:23.279> now.

00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:30.960
And<00:29:25.120> uh<00:29:25.679> my<00:29:25.919> mom<00:29:26.320> actually<00:29:27.360> she<00:29:27.679> heard<00:29:27.919> me<00:29:28.080> share<00:29:28.320> it<00:29:28.799> and<00:29:29.600> you<00:29:29.760> know<00:29:29.840> she<00:29:30.080> kind<00:29:30.159> of<00:29:30.240> just<00:29:30.399> shut<00:29:30.559> it<00:29:30.720> down.

00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:36.000
She<00:29:31.200> just<00:29:31.360> thought<00:29:31.520> I<00:29:31.760> was,<00:29:32.559> you<00:29:32.640> know,<00:29:32.799> an<00:29:32.960> anesthesia<00:29:33.679> induced<00:29:34.240> dream.

00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:38.559
But<00:29:36.159> a<00:29:36.480> nurse,<00:29:37.840> she<00:29:38.080> heard<00:29:38.320> it.

00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:46.880
She<00:29:38.799> heard,<00:29:39.440> you<00:29:39.600> know,<00:29:40.880> my<00:29:41.120> mom<00:29:41.360> recalled<00:29:41.760> the<00:29:41.919> story<00:29:42.159> to<00:29:42.399> her<00:29:43.600> and<00:29:44.799> she<00:29:45.039> said,<00:29:45.120> "Ma'am,<00:29:46.559> that

00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:50.240
happens<00:29:47.120> here<00:29:47.360> all<00:29:47.520> the<00:29:47.679> time.<00:29:48.080> Those<00:29:48.320> are<00:29:48.399> near-death<00:29:48.960> experiences.

00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:53.600
You<00:29:50.399> should<00:29:50.559> look<00:29:50.720> into<00:29:50.960> them."

00:29:53.600 --> 00:30:01.919
I<00:29:53.840> only<00:29:54.080> stayed<00:29:54.480> another<00:29:54.799> day<00:29:54.960> or<00:29:55.120> two<00:29:55.279> in<00:29:55.520> the<00:29:55.679> hospital<00:29:56.399> and<00:29:57.120> they<00:29:57.360> let<00:29:57.520> me<00:29:57.679> go<00:29:58.159> cuz<00:29:58.960> I<00:29:59.200> came<00:29:59.440> back<00:29:59.520> to<00:29:59.679> normal,<00:30:00.000> you<00:30:00.080> know,<00:30:00.159> like<00:30:00.320> every<00:30:00.559> every<00:30:01.039> my<00:30:01.200> my<00:30:01.520> face<00:30:01.760> was

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still<00:30:02.159> really<00:30:02.399> swollen.<00:30:03.200> I<00:30:03.360> was<00:30:03.520> still<00:30:03.760> really<00:30:04.000> tired,<00:30:05.039> really<00:30:05.360> sore.

00:30:06.399 --> 00:30:11.039
My<00:30:06.640> body<00:30:06.880> had<00:30:07.200> just<00:30:08.080> been<00:30:08.320> through<00:30:08.559> a<00:30:08.799> lot,<00:30:09.679> but<00:30:10.000> I<00:30:10.240> was<00:30:10.399> okay.

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So,<00:30:11.840> they<00:30:12.159> sent<00:30:12.320> me<00:30:12.559> home.

00:30:14.080 --> 00:30:20.080
I<00:30:14.320> just<00:30:14.480> kept<00:30:14.799> running<00:30:15.120> the<00:30:15.360> experience<00:30:15.919> back<00:30:16.640> in<00:30:16.960> my<00:30:17.120> head<00:30:18.240> and<00:30:19.039> trying<00:30:19.279> to<00:30:19.440> make<00:30:19.520> sense<00:30:19.760> of<00:30:19.840> it.

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Honestly,<00:30:21.360> I<00:30:21.600> was<00:30:21.760> supposed<00:30:21.919> to<00:30:22.080> be<00:30:22.240> dead,<00:30:23.279> but<00:30:23.520> I<00:30:23.679> had<00:30:23.840> felt<00:30:24.080> more<00:30:24.320> alive,<00:30:24.960> you<00:30:25.039> know,<00:30:25.200> than<00:30:25.360> I<00:30:25.520> had<00:30:25.679> ever<00:30:25.919> felt<00:30:26.159> in<00:30:26.399> my<00:30:26.640> life.

00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:33.679
And<00:30:29.360> this<00:30:29.600> voice<00:30:29.840> in<00:30:30.080> my<00:30:30.240> head,<00:30:30.640> you<00:30:30.799> know,<00:30:30.880> that<00:30:31.120> it<00:30:31.360> didn't<00:30:31.600> exist<00:30:31.919> on<00:30:32.159> the<00:30:32.399> other<00:30:32.559> side.

00:30:33.679 --> 00:30:41.440
But<00:30:33.919> here<00:30:34.080> it<00:30:34.320> was<00:30:35.039> back<00:30:35.919> in<00:30:36.240> my<00:30:36.480> body<00:30:37.279> trying<00:30:37.600> to<00:30:37.760> understand<00:30:38.399> what<00:30:38.640> had<00:30:38.880> happened<00:30:39.600> on<00:30:39.840> the<00:30:40.000> other<00:30:40.159> side,<00:30:41.200> you<00:30:41.360> know?

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And<00:30:41.600> I<00:30:41.760> was<00:30:41.840> asking<00:30:42.080> myself<00:30:42.480> these<00:30:42.799> questions<00:30:43.120> like,<00:30:43.440> how<00:30:43.520> does<00:30:43.679> it<00:30:43.919> even<00:30:44.159> know?

00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:48.159
It<00:30:45.200> wasn't<00:30:45.440> there.<00:30:46.080> like<00:30:46.240> this<00:30:46.480> egoic<00:30:46.960> voice<00:30:47.200> in<00:30:47.360> my<00:30:47.600> head.

00:30:48.159 --> 00:30:52.799
How<00:30:48.320> does<00:30:48.480> it<00:30:48.640> even<00:30:48.880> know<00:30:49.120> what<00:30:49.360> happened<00:30:49.919> if<00:30:50.240> if<00:30:50.480> it<00:30:50.640> wasn't<00:30:50.880> present?

00:30:52.799 --> 00:30:59.360
Because<00:30:53.120> of<00:30:53.279> how<00:30:53.840> uncomfortable<00:30:55.120> these<00:30:55.520> questions<00:30:56.000> were<00:30:56.720> and<00:30:56.960> I<00:30:57.120> had<00:30:57.279> no<00:30:57.520> answers<00:30:57.760> for<00:30:57.919> any<00:30:58.159> of<00:30:58.240> them.

00:30:59.360 --> 00:31:01.600
I<00:30:59.600> just,<00:31:00.000> you<00:31:00.080> know,<00:31:00.240> I<00:31:00.399> just<00:31:00.559> made<00:31:00.640> the<00:31:00.880> decision.

00:31:01.600 --> 00:31:09.919
I<00:31:01.840> was<00:31:01.919> like,<00:31:02.080> "Okay,<00:31:02.480> well,<00:31:03.919> if<00:31:04.159> Mike<00:31:04.559> actually<00:31:04.960> told<00:31:05.120> me<00:31:05.360> I<00:31:05.600> had<00:31:05.679> a<00:31:05.919> great<00:31:06.080> purpose,<00:31:06.559> then<00:31:07.760> that<00:31:08.080> purpose<00:31:08.320> is<00:31:08.480> to<00:31:08.640> be<00:31:08.799> the<00:31:08.960> best<00:31:09.120> baseball<00:31:09.520> player<00:31:09.760> that

00:31:09.919 --> 00:31:16.799
I<00:31:10.080> can<00:31:10.240> be.<00:31:11.200> So,<00:31:12.399> I'm<00:31:12.640> going<00:31:12.720> to<00:31:12.799> go<00:31:12.960> back<00:31:13.120> to<00:31:13.440> life<00:31:13.760> as<00:31:14.000> it<00:31:14.159> was<00:31:14.640> kind<00:31:14.880> of<00:31:14.960> before<00:31:15.279> that<00:31:15.520> experience.

00:31:16.799 --> 00:31:24.720
And<00:31:16.960> that's<00:31:17.120> what<00:31:17.279> I<00:31:17.440> did.<00:31:19.520> When<00:31:19.760> I<00:31:19.919> got<00:31:20.080> back<00:31:20.240> home<00:31:20.399> to<00:31:20.559> Tampa,<00:31:21.120> I<00:31:21.360> had<00:31:21.440> to<00:31:21.600> go<00:31:21.760> through<00:31:22.159> all<00:31:22.480> of<00:31:22.559> this<00:31:22.799> allergy<00:31:23.360> testing.

00:31:24.720 --> 00:31:29.760
And<00:31:25.679> eventually,<00:31:26.080> we<00:31:26.320> found<00:31:26.559> out<00:31:26.799> what<00:31:26.960> I<00:31:27.200> was<00:31:27.279> allergic<00:31:27.600> to,<00:31:27.840> and<00:31:28.080> it<00:31:28.240> was<00:31:28.320> called<00:31:28.559> ANSF.

00:31:29.760 --> 00:31:34.399
It's<00:31:30.240> a<00:31:30.559> long<00:31:31.279> medical<00:31:31.679> word<00:31:31.840> that<00:31:32.000> I<00:31:32.159> don't<00:31:32.240> know<00:31:32.320> how<00:31:32.399> to<00:31:32.559> pronounce,<00:31:32.799> so<00:31:32.960> I'm<00:31:33.039> not<00:31:33.200> going<00:31:33.279> to<00:31:33.360> try.

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Eventually,<00:31:35.120> they<00:31:35.360> took<00:31:35.600> that<00:31:35.760> out<00:31:36.000> of<00:31:36.159> the<00:31:36.320> anesthesia<00:31:36.960> cocktail<00:31:38.000> and<00:31:38.240> I<00:31:38.399> eventually<00:31:38.720> got<00:31:38.880> my<00:31:39.120> surgery<00:31:40.480> successfully.

00:31:42.799 --> 00:31:51.279
I<00:31:43.071> tried<00:31:43.343> to<00:31:43.615> just<00:31:43.887> go<00:31:44.159> back<00:31:44.431> to<00:31:44.703> playing.<00:31:44.975> I<00:31:45.247> got<00:31:45.519> my<00:31:45.791> surgery<00:31:46.063> and<00:31:46.335> I<00:31:46.607> had<00:31:46.880> a<00:31:47.152> bunch<00:31:47.424> of<00:31:47.696> rehab<00:31:47.968> that<00:31:48.240> I<00:31:48.512> had<00:31:48.784> to<00:31:49.056> go<00:31:49.328> through<00:31:49.600> and<00:31:49.872> it<00:31:50.144> was<00:31:50.416> a<00:31:50.688> 10-month<00:31:50.960> process

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Like<00:31:59.919> I<00:32:00.159> would<00:32:00.240> show<00:32:00.399> up<00:32:00.720> and<00:32:01.039> I<00:32:01.200> would<00:32:01.360> I<00:32:01.600> would<00:32:01.679> do<00:32:01.840> the<00:32:02.000> rehab<00:32:02.399> and<00:32:02.640> I<00:32:02.799> would<00:32:02.960> work<00:32:03.200> really<00:32:03.519> hard,<00:32:04.399> but<00:32:04.640> there<00:32:04.799> was<00:32:04.960> always<00:32:05.279> something<00:32:05.600> that<00:32:05.919> bothered<00:32:06.320> me<00:32:06.960> kind<00:32:07.200> of<00:32:07.600> lingering

00:32:08.159 --> 00:32:16.480
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make<00:32:16.640> these<00:32:16.960> jokes<00:32:17.760> and<00:32:18.000> they<00:32:18.240> would<00:32:18.399> say,<00:32:18.960> you<00:32:19.120> know,<00:32:19.279> Bubba's<00:32:19.679> the<00:32:19.840> guy<00:32:20.000> who<00:32:20.240> died.

00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:29.840
And<00:32:21.679> when<00:32:21.840> they<00:32:22.000> would<00:32:22.159> say<00:32:22.480> Bubba<00:32:23.120> and<00:32:23.440> died<00:32:23.919> kind<00:32:24.080> of<00:32:24.159> in<00:32:24.399> the<00:32:24.559> same<00:32:24.799> sentence,<00:32:26.080> I<00:32:26.240> would<00:32:26.399> I<00:32:26.640> would<00:32:26.799> think<00:32:26.960> back<00:32:27.200> to<00:32:27.360> that<00:32:27.600> day<00:32:28.080> and<00:32:28.320> it<00:32:28.480> was<00:32:28.640> almost<00:32:28.880> like<00:32:29.120> I<00:32:29.360> just<00:32:29.519> I

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didn't<00:32:30.080> want<00:32:30.240> to<00:32:30.399> think<00:32:30.559> about<00:32:30.720> it<00:32:30.880> at<00:32:31.120> all.<00:32:32.080> So<00:32:32.240> I<00:32:32.480> kind<00:32:32.559> of<00:32:32.640> kept<00:32:32.880> it<00:32:33.120> shelf<00:32:33.440> throughout<00:32:33.760> my<00:32:33.919> rehab<00:32:34.399> process.

00:32:35.760 --> 00:32:40.720
But<00:32:35.919> I<00:32:36.159> kept<00:32:36.399> having<00:32:36.640> these<00:32:37.200> synchronous<00:32:38.080> experiences<00:32:39.120> throughout<00:32:39.600> rehab.

00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:48.080
Like<00:32:42.240> one<00:32:42.480> time<00:32:42.640> I<00:32:42.880> had<00:32:42.960> a<00:32:43.120> workout<00:32:43.519> with<00:32:43.760> a<00:32:44.320> a<00:32:44.720> coach<00:32:45.840> and<00:32:46.559> I<00:32:46.799> was<00:32:46.880> so<00:32:47.120> tired<00:32:47.360> after<00:32:47.600> the<00:32:47.760> workout.

00:32:48.080 --> 00:32:57.200
I<00:32:48.320> was<00:32:48.559> laying<00:32:48.799> on<00:32:48.960> the<00:32:49.120> ground<00:32:49.279> in<00:32:49.519> like<00:32:49.679> this<00:32:49.840> starfish<00:32:50.480> position<00:32:52.080> and<00:32:54.480> he<00:32:54.799> said<00:32:55.120> we<00:32:55.440> we<00:32:55.679> were<00:32:55.840> talking<00:32:56.000> about<00:32:56.240> everything.

00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:06.000
He<00:32:57.440> this<00:32:57.760> trainer<00:32:58.080> and<00:32:58.240> I<00:32:58.960> and<00:33:00.159> on<00:33:00.480> this<00:33:00.640> specific<00:33:01.120> day<00:33:01.600> we<00:33:01.760> were<00:33:01.919> talking<00:33:02.080> about<00:33:02.320> books<00:33:03.279> and<00:33:03.600> he<00:33:03.760> asked<00:33:03.919> me<00:33:04.159> he's<00:33:04.320> like<00:33:04.480> have<00:33:04.640> you<00:33:04.799> ever<00:33:05.039> read<00:33:05.760> the

00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:10.240
power<00:33:06.240> of<00:33:06.480> now?<00:33:08.399> I<00:33:08.559> was<00:33:08.640> like,<00:33:08.720> "No,<00:33:09.120> what's<00:33:09.440> that<00:33:09.600> about?"

00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:13.360
And<00:33:10.399> I'm<00:33:10.559> in<00:33:10.720> the<00:33:10.880> starfish<00:33:11.840> position.

00:33:13.360 --> 00:33:19.039
And<00:33:14.480> he<00:33:14.720> says,<00:33:14.880> "I'm<00:33:15.279> going<00:33:15.360> to<00:33:15.440> put<00:33:15.600> on<00:33:16.320> a<00:33:16.640> sound,<00:33:17.039> like<00:33:17.200> a<00:33:17.360> meditative<00:33:17.840> sound.

00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:25.760
It's<00:33:19.360> easier<00:33:19.679> for<00:33:19.919> me<00:33:20.080> to<00:33:20.240> show<00:33:20.399> you<00:33:20.559> what<00:33:20.720> the<00:33:20.960> power<00:33:21.120> of<00:33:21.279> now<00:33:21.519> is<00:33:21.760> about<00:33:23.200> than<00:33:24.559> to<00:33:24.960> tell<00:33:25.120> you.

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So,<00:33:26.000> just<00:33:26.240> close<00:33:26.399> your<00:33:26.640> eyes<00:33:26.880> and<00:33:27.200> breathe."<00:33:28.480> And<00:33:28.640> I<00:33:28.880> did<00:33:29.039> that.

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And,<00:33:30.799> you<00:33:31.039> know,<00:33:31.279> time<00:33:31.919> went<00:33:32.240> by<00:33:32.559> just<00:33:32.799> like<00:33:33.039> that.

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00:33:37.840 --> 00:33:45.760
And<00:33:38.080> I'd<00:33:38.399> felt<00:33:38.640> that<00:33:38.960> feeling<00:33:39.279> before<00:33:39.760> somewhere<00:33:40.720> like<00:33:40.960> that<00:33:41.120> was<00:33:41.200> a<00:33:41.440> turning<00:33:41.679> point<00:33:41.840> for<00:33:42.080> me<00:33:42.159> in<00:33:42.399> my<00:33:42.880> you<00:33:43.039> know<00:33:43.120> near-death<00:33:43.679> experience<00:33:44.080> integration<00:33:45.120> because<00:33:45.279> I<00:33:45.519> hadn't

00:33:45.760 --> 00:33:54.000
thought<00:33:45.919> about<00:33:46.159> that<00:33:46.399> experience<00:33:47.679> but<00:33:47.919> I<00:33:48.159> had<00:33:48.320> felt<00:33:48.640> this<00:33:48.960> feeling<00:33:49.360> of<00:33:49.760> pure<00:33:50.799> presence<00:33:52.799> the<00:33:53.039> same<00:33:53.200> feeling<00:33:53.519> I<00:33:53.600> had<00:33:53.760> felt

00:33:54.000 --> 00:34:02.480
on<00:33:54.159> the<00:33:54.320> other<00:33:54.480> side<00:33:55.760> and<00:33:56.000> so<00:33:57.360> synchronous<00:33:57.919> events<00:33:58.320> kept<00:33:58.640> happening<00:33:58.960> like<00:33:59.120> that<00:33:59.360> throughout<00:33:59.679> my<00:33:59.919> rehabilitation<00:34:00.720> process<00:34:01.760> which<00:34:02.000> eventually

00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:07.679
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00:34:07.679 --> 00:34:11.440
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The<00:34:11.679> reason<00:34:11.839> I<00:34:12.079> didn't<00:34:12.240> want<00:34:12.399> to<00:34:12.560> talk<00:34:12.720> about<00:34:12.879> it<00:34:13.200> for<00:34:13.520> 4<00:34:13.760> years<00:34:14.000> was<00:34:14.320> not<00:34:14.560> only<00:34:14.800> because<00:34:14.960> it<00:34:15.119> was<00:34:15.200> uncomfortable<00:34:15.679> to<00:34:15.919> share,<00:34:16.800> but<00:34:17.040> it<00:34:17.200> was<00:34:17.359> because<00:34:18.480> I<00:34:18.720> would<00:34:18.879> have<00:34:19.040> to

00:34:19.280 --> 00:34:25.760
change<00:34:20.639> not<00:34:20.879> just<00:34:21.119> a<00:34:21.359> little<00:34:21.520> bit<00:34:21.679> about<00:34:21.919> who<00:34:22.159> I<00:34:22.320> was,<00:34:22.480> but<00:34:23.040> everything<00:34:23.760> about<00:34:24.000> who<00:34:24.240> I<00:34:24.480> was.

00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:34.079
And<00:34:26.960> I<00:34:27.280> was<00:34:27.359> really<00:34:27.599> reluctant<00:34:28.000> to<00:34:28.159> do<00:34:28.320> so,<00:34:28.800> but<00:34:29.040> he<00:34:29.280> created<00:34:29.679> an<00:34:29.919> environment<00:34:30.320> for<00:34:30.560> me<00:34:31.200> that,<00:34:32.639> you<00:34:32.800> know,<00:34:32.960> helped<00:34:33.280> me<00:34:33.839> share

00:34:34.079 --> 00:34:39.119
it.<00:34:34.399> And<00:34:34.800> when<00:34:35.040> I<00:34:35.119> got<00:34:35.280> to<00:34:35.440> the<00:34:35.599> part<00:34:35.919> where<00:34:36.079> I<00:34:36.240> said,<00:34:36.560> you<00:34:36.639> know,<00:34:36.800> Mike<00:34:37.040> said,<00:34:37.200> "The<00:34:37.440> next<00:34:37.599> time<00:34:37.679> I<00:34:37.919> die,<00:34:38.159> I<00:34:38.320> need<00:34:38.480> to<00:34:38.560> be<00:34:38.639> ready<00:34:38.800> for<00:34:38.960> it.

00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:45.839
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00:34:45.839 --> 00:34:54.320
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00:34:54.320 --> 00:35:01.920
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00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:06.480
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00:35:06.480 --> 00:35:09.920
This<00:35:06.800> this<00:35:07.200> pizza<00:35:07.680> represents<00:35:08.160> your<00:35:08.400> old<00:35:08.640> life.

00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:16.240
You're<00:35:10.480> we're<00:35:10.720> not<00:35:10.880> eating<00:35:11.119> that.<00:35:11.680> I'm<00:35:11.920> going<00:35:12.000> to<00:35:12.160> help<00:35:12.320> you<00:35:12.480> become<00:35:12.800> ready<00:35:12.960> to<00:35:13.119> die<00:35:13.359> because<00:35:13.599> that's<00:35:13.760> what<00:35:13.920> you<00:35:14.079> were<00:35:14.160> sent<00:35:14.320> back<00:35:14.480> to<00:35:14.720> do."

00:35:16.240 --> 00:35:24.960
The<00:35:16.560> pizza<00:35:16.960> was<00:35:17.680> obviously<00:35:18.160> a<00:35:18.400> metaphor<00:35:19.040> for<00:35:21.520> living<00:35:21.839> into<00:35:22.079> the<00:35:22.320> best<00:35:22.560> version<00:35:22.800> of<00:35:22.960> myself<00:35:23.280> that<00:35:23.520> I<00:35:23.680> can<00:35:23.839> live<00:35:24.000> into.

00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:28.160
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00:35:28.160 --> 00:35:30.800
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00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:35.119
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00:35:35.119 --> 00:35:42.240
I<00:35:35.280> would<00:35:35.440> do<00:35:35.599> all<00:35:35.760> these<00:35:36.320> quote<00:35:37.200> bad<00:35:37.520> things<00:35:37.760> to<00:35:38.079> myself<00:35:38.640> because<00:35:38.960> of<00:35:39.119> how<00:35:39.280> I<00:35:39.520> felt<00:35:39.839> about<00:35:40.079> myself<00:35:40.400> on<00:35:40.640> the<00:35:40.800> inside.

00:35:42.240 --> 00:35:47.839
And<00:35:42.800> you<00:35:42.960> know<00:35:43.119> what<00:35:43.280> it<00:35:43.520> means<00:35:43.760> to,<00:35:45.280> you<00:35:45.440> know,<00:35:45.520> the<00:35:45.760> next<00:35:45.920> time<00:35:46.079> I<00:35:46.320> die,<00:35:46.560> I<00:35:46.800> need<00:35:46.880> to<00:35:47.040> be<00:35:47.119> ready<00:35:47.280> for<00:35:47.520> it.

00:35:47.839 --> 00:35:52.079
is<00:35:49.119> on<00:35:49.359> a<00:35:49.760> decisionby<00:35:50.560> decision<00:35:51.040> basis.

00:35:52.079 --> 00:36:00.240
If<00:35:52.320> I<00:35:52.480> make<00:35:52.640> the<00:35:52.880> right<00:35:53.119> decision<00:35:53.760> or<00:35:54.079> the<00:35:54.320> decision<00:35:54.560> that<00:35:54.720> I<00:35:54.960> feel<00:35:55.119> is<00:35:55.440> best<00:35:55.599> for<00:35:56.400> not<00:35:56.720> just<00:35:56.880> me<00:35:57.119> but<00:35:57.359> how<00:35:57.520> I<00:35:57.680> show<00:35:57.839> up<00:35:58.000> in<00:35:58.160> the<00:35:58.400> world,<00:35:59.280> I<00:35:59.520> will<00:35:59.760> be<00:35:59.920> ready<00:36:00.079> to

00:36:00.240 --> 00:36:03.599
die.

00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:11.280
10<00:36:03.920> months<00:36:04.160> into<00:36:04.480> my<00:36:04.720> rehabilitation<00:36:05.520> process,<00:36:06.480> I<00:36:06.720> retear<00:36:07.520> the<00:36:07.839> same<00:36:08.000> ligament<00:36:08.560> that<00:36:08.960> I<00:36:09.200> got<00:36:09.359> surgery<00:36:09.760> on<00:36:09.920> in<00:36:10.079> the<00:36:10.240> first<00:36:10.400> place.

00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:18.960
By<00:36:11.599> this<00:36:11.760> time,<00:36:12.000> I<00:36:12.240> was<00:36:12.400> playing<00:36:12.720> at<00:36:13.359> the<00:36:13.599> junior<00:36:14.000> college<00:36:14.320> level,<00:36:15.200> which<00:36:15.520> is<00:36:16.800> one<00:36:17.040> step<00:36:17.280> below<00:36:17.680> where<00:36:18.000> I<00:36:18.160> was<00:36:18.400> before.

00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:26.480
So,<00:36:19.119> I<00:36:19.280> had<00:36:19.440> transferred<00:36:20.000> schools,<00:36:21.280> and<00:36:22.640> I<00:36:22.880> was<00:36:23.040> about<00:36:23.280> 21,<00:36:23.920> 22<00:36:24.400> years<00:36:24.560> old<00:36:24.800> by<00:36:25.040> this<00:36:25.280> time.

00:36:26.480 --> 00:36:33.359
And<00:36:26.640> if<00:36:26.800> you're<00:36:27.040> playing<00:36:27.280> in<00:36:27.599> junior<00:36:27.920> college<00:36:28.160> at<00:36:28.480> 21<00:36:28.800> or<00:36:29.040> 22,<00:36:31.200> you're<00:36:31.520> really<00:36:31.760> old<00:36:32.079> for<00:36:32.400> that<00:36:32.560> age<00:36:32.880> group.

00:36:33.359 --> 00:36:37.119
So,<00:36:33.599> there's<00:36:33.839> a<00:36:34.480> lesser<00:36:34.960> chance<00:36:35.200> for<00:36:35.359> you<00:36:35.520> to<00:36:35.680> go<00:36:36.000> to<00:36:36.160> the<00:36:36.320> pros.

00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:43.359
And<00:36:37.359> I<00:36:37.599> knew<00:36:37.839> that,<00:36:38.640> but<00:36:38.880> at<00:36:39.040> the<00:36:39.200> same<00:36:39.359> time,<00:36:39.599> I<00:36:39.920> just<00:36:40.079> didn't<00:36:40.720> love<00:36:41.920> playing<00:36:42.400> anymore.

00:36:43.359 --> 00:36:51.760
You<00:36:43.520> know,<00:36:43.680> I<00:36:43.839> I<00:36:44.240> didn't<00:36:45.280> have<00:36:45.520> the<00:36:45.839> same<00:36:46.320> fire<00:36:47.200> or<00:36:47.599> competitiveness<00:36:49.200> or<00:36:49.520> fuel<00:36:50.800> that<00:36:51.040> I<00:36:51.200> once<00:36:51.520> had

00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:55.359
to<00:36:52.079> play<00:36:52.480> at<00:36:52.640> a<00:36:52.880> really<00:36:53.040> high<00:36:53.280> level.

00:36:55.359 --> 00:36:58.079
Leaving<00:36:55.760> baseball<00:36:56.079> behind<00:36:56.480> was<00:36:56.720> really<00:36:57.040> tough.

00:36:58.079 --> 00:37:07.200
like<00:36:58.320> the<00:36:58.480> parallel<00:36:59.040> between<00:36:59.599> my<00:36:59.839> near-death<00:37:00.320> experience<00:37:00.800> and<00:37:01.040> this<00:37:01.359> metaphorical<00:37:02.160> death,<00:37:03.200> you<00:37:03.359> could<00:37:03.599> say,<00:37:04.079> like<00:37:04.240> the<00:37:04.480> spiritual<00:37:05.040> metaphorical<00:37:05.760> death<00:37:06.000> of<00:37:06.960> having

00:37:07.200 --> 00:37:10.800
to<00:37:07.440> leave<00:37:07.680> that<00:37:08.160> identity<00:37:08.560> behind<00:37:09.040> me,<00:37:09.839> you<00:37:10.000> know.

00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:15.680
So,<00:37:11.599> for<00:37:11.760> a<00:37:12.000> long<00:37:12.160> time<00:37:12.320> after<00:37:12.560> I<00:37:12.800> lost<00:37:13.040> baseball,<00:37:13.920> I<00:37:14.160> was<00:37:14.320> completely<00:37:14.800> lost.

00:37:15.680 --> 00:37:20.480
And<00:37:15.839> when<00:37:16.000> I<00:37:16.079> say<00:37:16.320> completely<00:37:16.720> lost,<00:37:17.280> I<00:37:17.520> was<00:37:17.680> just

00:37:20.480 --> 00:37:25.920
I<00:37:21.440> I<00:37:21.599> was<00:37:21.760> working<00:37:22.000> as<00:37:22.160> a<00:37:22.320> janitor,<00:37:23.359> you<00:37:23.520> know,<00:37:24.079> substitute<00:37:24.720> teacher.

00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:31.280
I<00:37:26.160> tried<00:37:26.320> to<00:37:26.480> coach<00:37:26.880> baseball.<00:37:27.839> I<00:37:28.079> tried<00:37:28.320> to<00:37:29.599> I<00:37:29.839> became<00:37:30.000> like<00:37:30.160> a<00:37:30.320> mortgage<00:37:30.640> loan<00:37:30.880> officer.

00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:35.520
Like<00:37:31.440> I<00:37:31.599> tried<00:37:31.839> all<00:37:32.000> these<00:37:32.400> different<00:37:32.800> things<00:37:34.160> because<00:37:34.560> it<00:37:34.800> was<00:37:34.960> clear<00:37:35.119> to<00:37:35.280> me.

00:37:35.520 --> 00:37:40.800
It<00:37:35.680> was<00:37:35.839> like<00:37:36.480> baseball<00:37:36.960> must<00:37:37.200> have<00:37:37.440> ended<00:37:37.920> because<00:37:38.160> I<00:37:38.400> have<00:37:38.560> this<00:37:38.720> great<00:37:38.960> purpose<00:37:39.280> I<00:37:39.520> need<00:37:39.599> to<00:37:39.760> serve.

00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:46.079
So<00:37:40.960> I<00:37:41.200> tried<00:37:41.359> to<00:37:41.520> find<00:37:41.760> that<00:37:42.000> in<00:37:42.320> all<00:37:42.480> of<00:37:42.560> these<00:37:42.960> external<00:37:43.520> things<00:37:43.839> and<00:37:44.079> I<00:37:44.240> just<00:37:44.480> never<00:37:44.800> could.

00:37:46.079 --> 00:37:54.960
And<00:37:46.880> you<00:37:47.040> know,<00:37:47.200> funny<00:37:47.440> enough,<00:37:47.839> I<00:37:48.000> actually<00:37:48.240> ended<00:37:48.560> up<00:37:48.720> in<00:37:48.880> the<00:37:49.119> hospital<00:37:49.760> again<00:37:50.800> uh<00:37:51.040> after<00:37:51.359> I<00:37:51.920> had<00:37:52.480> gotten<00:37:52.880> done<00:37:53.200> playing<00:37:53.520> baseball<00:37:54.640> because

00:37:54.960 --> 00:38:00.320
my<00:37:55.280> body<00:37:55.760> I<00:37:56.000> had<00:37:56.160> this<00:37:56.320> like<00:37:57.119> really<00:37:57.440> bad<00:37:57.760> numbness<00:37:58.240> down<00:37:58.480> the<00:37:58.640> right<00:37:58.880> side<00:37:59.040> of<00:37:59.200> my<00:37:59.359> body.

00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:09.119
And<00:38:00.480> I<00:38:00.640> was<00:38:00.720> never<00:38:00.880> an<00:38:01.040> anxious<00:38:01.440> person,<00:38:01.680> but<00:38:01.839> I<00:38:02.000> was<00:38:02.079> having<00:38:02.320> these<00:38:02.560> panic<00:38:02.960> attacks<00:38:04.000> and<00:38:04.240> I<00:38:04.400> I<00:38:04.720> had<00:38:04.880> this<00:38:05.119> like<00:38:06.000> boulder<00:38:06.640> kind<00:38:06.880> of<00:38:07.040> weight<00:38:07.440> on<00:38:07.760> my<00:38:08.000> chest<00:38:08.800> that

00:38:09.119 --> 00:38:13.520
completely<00:38:09.599> immobilized<00:38:10.320> me.<00:38:11.040> In<00:38:11.280> the<00:38:11.440> hospital,<00:38:11.760> they<00:38:12.000> said,<00:38:12.240> you<00:38:12.400> know,<00:38:12.560> nothing's<00:38:13.040> wrong.

00:38:13.520 --> 00:38:22.320
all<00:38:13.680> these<00:38:13.920> tests<00:38:14.240> are<00:38:14.400> coming<00:38:14.640> back<00:38:14.880> negative.<00:38:16.480> And<00:38:17.200> you<00:38:17.359> know<00:38:17.520> eventually<00:38:17.839> I<00:38:18.160> saw<00:38:18.320> a<00:38:18.560> holistic<00:38:19.040> doctor<00:38:19.280> and<00:38:19.520> he<00:38:19.680> shared<00:38:19.920> with<00:38:20.079> me<00:38:20.320> he<00:38:20.480> says<00:38:22.079> not

00:38:22.320 --> 00:38:31.440
only<00:38:22.400> have<00:38:22.640> you<00:38:22.800> experienced<00:38:23.280> this<00:38:23.520> metaphorical<00:38:24.160> death<00:38:24.560> of<00:38:25.119> you<00:38:25.280> know<00:38:25.440> losing<00:38:25.760> your<00:38:26.160> identity<00:38:26.800> as<00:38:27.119> a<00:38:27.280> baseball<00:38:27.680> player<00:38:28.480> but<00:38:28.800> you<00:38:29.040> also<00:38:29.280> had<00:38:29.440> this<00:38:29.760> crazy<00:38:31.200> you

00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:36.880
know<00:38:31.839> your<00:38:32.000> your<00:38:32.400> nervous<00:38:32.720> system<00:38:32.960> literally<00:38:33.440> shut<00:38:33.760> off<00:38:34.560> during<00:38:34.880> this<00:38:35.040> near-death<00:38:35.599> experience.

00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:40.320
He<00:38:37.040> was<00:38:37.119> like<00:38:37.359> have<00:38:37.520> you<00:38:37.760> processed<00:38:38.240> that?<00:38:38.640> Like<00:38:38.800> have<00:38:38.960> you<00:38:39.119> acknowledged<00:38:39.599> that?

00:38:40.320 --> 00:38:44.560
have<00:38:40.560> you<00:38:41.440> gone<00:38:41.680> on<00:38:41.839> a<00:38:42.079> journey<00:38:42.240> to<00:38:42.560> heal<00:38:42.880> from<00:38:43.119> that?

00:38:44.560 --> 00:38:47.839
And<00:38:44.720> I<00:38:44.880> was<00:38:44.960> like,<00:38:46.079> no,<00:38:46.880> I<00:38:47.119> haven't.

00:38:47.839 --> 00:38:51.680
I<00:38:48.079> didn't<00:38:48.240> even<00:38:48.560> I<00:38:48.800> wasn't<00:38:49.040> even<00:38:49.200> aware<00:38:49.520> that<00:38:49.680> that<00:38:49.920> is<00:38:50.079> a<00:38:50.320> thing.

00:38:51.680 --> 00:38:58.560
And<00:38:51.839> I<00:38:52.000> asked<00:38:52.160> him,<00:38:52.320> I<00:38:52.480> said,<00:38:52.640> what<00:38:52.800> is<00:38:52.880> it?<00:38:53.119> What<00:38:53.359> is<00:38:53.920> what<00:38:54.079> is<00:38:54.320> this<00:38:54.720> healing<00:38:55.119> journey<00:38:55.440> have<00:38:55.680> to<00:38:55.839> do<00:38:55.920> with<00:38:56.079> these<00:38:56.400> symptoms<00:38:56.640> that<00:38:56.880> I'm<00:38:57.119> having,<00:38:57.839> you<00:38:57.920> know,<00:38:58.160> like<00:38:58.320> this

00:38:58.560 --> 00:39:04.720
feeling<00:38:58.800> of<00:38:59.040> loneliness<00:38:59.680> and<00:39:00.480> these<00:39:00.800> emotions<00:39:01.200> I'm<00:39:01.520> carrying<00:39:02.720> and<00:39:03.200> the<00:39:03.440> panic<00:39:03.680> attacks<00:39:03.920> and<00:39:04.079> the<00:39:04.240> numbness?

00:39:04.720 --> 00:39:07.680
Like<00:39:04.880> what<00:39:05.200> what<00:39:05.440> does<00:39:05.599> it<00:39:05.839> have<00:39:05.920> to<00:39:06.160> do<00:39:06.240> with<00:39:06.480> anything?

00:39:07.680 --> 00:39:15.200
And<00:39:07.839> he<00:39:08.079> basically<00:39:08.400> shared<00:39:08.640> with<00:39:08.800> me<00:39:08.960> that<00:39:09.200> my<00:39:09.520> symptoms<00:39:09.920> were<00:39:10.160> not<00:39:10.400> physical<00:39:10.880> in<00:39:11.119> nature,<00:39:11.680> that<00:39:11.839> they<00:39:12.079> were<00:39:12.240> emotional<00:39:13.280> and<00:39:13.520> that<00:39:13.680> if<00:39:13.839> I<00:39:14.000> wanted<00:39:14.240> to<00:39:14.400> feel<00:39:14.640> better,<00:39:14.960> I

00:39:15.200 --> 00:39:22.960
had<00:39:15.359> to<00:39:15.520> address<00:39:15.920> the<00:39:16.240> emotions<00:39:17.599> that<00:39:17.920> were<00:39:18.079> causing<00:39:18.320> the<00:39:18.560> stress<00:39:18.800> hormones<00:39:19.280> to<00:39:19.520> secrete<00:39:19.920> across<00:39:20.240> my<00:39:20.560> body.

00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:30.079
I<00:39:23.200> had<00:39:23.359> gone<00:39:23.599> 5<00:39:23.920> years<00:39:24.240> after<00:39:24.560> my<00:39:24.800> experience<00:39:25.200> without<00:39:25.599> meeting<00:39:26.000> anybody,<00:39:26.960> you<00:39:27.119> know,<00:39:27.440> who<00:39:27.599> had<00:39:27.839> had<00:39:28.000> these<00:39:28.320> experiences.

00:39:30.079 --> 00:39:34.160
I<00:39:30.320> really<00:39:30.560> didn't<00:39:30.720> even<00:39:30.960> know<00:39:31.520> still<00:39:31.760> if<00:39:31.920> if<00:39:32.240> somebody<00:39:32.480> had<00:39:32.720> had<00:39:32.880> these<00:39:33.119> experiences.

00:39:34.160 --> 00:39:42.480
And<00:39:34.480> one<00:39:34.720> day<00:39:34.960> after<00:39:35.280> work,<00:39:36.720> I<00:39:36.880> was<00:39:36.960> working<00:39:37.200> a<00:39:37.599> uh<00:39:37.760> just<00:39:37.920> a<00:39:38.079> pressure<00:39:38.400> washing<00:39:38.720> job,<00:39:38.960> a<00:39:39.119> local<00:39:39.280> pressure<00:39:39.520> washing<00:39:39.920> job,<00:39:40.880> and<00:39:41.599> I<00:39:41.839> stumbled<00:39:42.240> across

00:39:42.480 --> 00:39:45.440
a<00:39:42.720> YouTube<00:39:43.040> video<00:39:43.359> with<00:39:43.680> Jeffrey<00:39:44.160> Long,<00:39:45.200> Dr.

00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:50.720
Jeffrey<00:39:45.839> Long,<00:39:46.079> who's<00:39:46.320> a<00:39:46.400> near-death<00:39:46.800> experience<00:39:47.200> researcher,<00:39:48.160> and<00:39:48.560> comedian<00:39:49.040> Theo<00:39:49.440> Vaughn.

00:39:50.720 --> 00:39:55.760
And<00:39:50.880> I<00:39:51.119> watched<00:39:51.440> it<00:39:51.599> and<00:39:51.760> I<00:39:52.000> was<00:39:52.160> completely<00:39:52.640> enamored<00:39:54.000> because<00:39:54.240> it<00:39:54.480> was<00:39:54.640> exactly<00:39:54.960> what<00:39:55.119> I<00:39:55.359> needed.

00:39:55.760 --> 00:40:03.839
you<00:39:55.920> know,<00:39:56.079> I<00:39:56.400> like<00:39:56.560> not<00:39:56.800> only<00:39:56.960> was<00:39:57.119> I<00:39:57.359> not<00:39:57.520> alone,<00:39:58.480> but<00:39:58.800> this<00:39:58.960> gentleman<00:39:59.359> was<00:39:59.680> researching<00:40:00.240> these<00:40:00.560> experiences<00:40:01.200> and<00:40:01.440> he<00:40:01.680> was<00:40:01.760> sharing<00:40:02.079> that,<00:40:02.880> you<00:40:03.040> know,<00:40:03.200> people<00:40:03.520> really

00:40:03.839 --> 00:40:07.440
struggle<00:40:04.320> after<00:40:04.720> their<00:40:04.960> experiences<00:40:05.599> just<00:40:05.839> like<00:40:06.000> I<00:40:06.240> was.

00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:16.400
And<00:40:08.160> below<00:40:08.560> that<00:40:09.359> YouTube<00:40:10.160> interview<00:40:10.640> was<00:40:10.880> a<00:40:11.440> you<00:40:11.520> know<00:40:11.599> how<00:40:11.760> they<00:40:11.920> had<00:40:12.079> those<00:40:12.240> ads<00:40:12.640> below<00:40:12.960> the<00:40:13.040> the<00:40:13.440> interview<00:40:14.000> and<00:40:14.160> it<00:40:14.400> was<00:40:14.480> this<00:40:14.720> organization<00:40:15.280> called<00:40:15.680> IANS.

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It<00:40:16.640> stood<00:40:16.800> for<00:40:17.040> International<00:40:17.680> Association<00:40:18.240> for<00:40:18.480> Near-Death<00:40:19.040> Studies.

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And<00:40:20.480> they<00:40:20.720> were<00:40:20.880> having<00:40:21.119> this<00:40:21.440> conference<00:40:22.480> with<00:40:22.720> all<00:40:22.960> of<00:40:23.119> these<00:40:23.440> people<00:40:23.760> who<00:40:24.240> were<00:40:24.400> just<00:40:24.640> like<00:40:24.880> me.

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And<00:40:26.079> I<00:40:26.400> actually<00:40:26.720> drove<00:40:27.040> out<00:40:27.200> to<00:40:27.359> the<00:40:27.520> conference.

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It<00:40:28.000> was<00:40:28.079> in<00:40:28.240> Arizona.<00:40:29.200> I<00:40:29.440> was<00:40:29.760> obviously<00:40:30.160> living<00:40:30.400> in<00:40:30.560> Florida,<00:40:30.800> so<00:40:30.960> it<00:40:31.119> was<00:40:31.200> a<00:40:31.359> pretty<00:40:31.520> long<00:40:31.680> drive.

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Took<00:40:32.240> me<00:40:32.400> about<00:40:32.560> 5<00:40:32.720> days<00:40:32.960> to<00:40:33.119> get<00:40:33.280> out<00:40:33.440> there.<00:40:34.000> I<00:40:34.240> went<00:40:34.400> to<00:40:34.560> the<00:40:34.720> conference<00:40:35.520> and<00:40:36.560> the<00:40:36.800> first<00:40:37.040> speaker<00:40:37.440> was<00:40:37.839> a<00:40:38.079> gentleman<00:40:38.320> that<00:40:38.560> you<00:40:38.640> guys<00:40:38.800> have<00:40:38.960> had<00:40:39.119> on,<00:40:39.440> Chase<00:40:39.760> Deo.

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And<00:40:42.400> I<00:40:42.560> just<00:40:42.720> remember<00:40:43.040> hearing<00:40:43.359> his<00:40:43.599> story<00:40:44.000> on<00:40:44.240> the<00:40:44.400> first<00:40:44.560> day<00:40:44.640> of<00:40:44.800> that<00:40:45.040> conference.

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and<00:40:46.720> feeling<00:40:47.200> so<00:40:49.119> seen<00:40:50.160> and<00:40:50.560> validated<00:40:51.599> and<00:40:51.839> my<00:40:52.160> body<00:40:53.920> like<00:40:54.160> the<00:40:54.400> physical

00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:59.760
symptoms<00:40:55.119> in<00:40:55.359> my<00:40:55.599> body<00:40:56.000> just<00:40:56.240> kind<00:40:56.480> of<00:40:58.000> washed<00:40:58.480> away.

00:40:59.760 --> 00:41:08.000
It<00:41:00.000> was<00:41:00.079> exactly<00:41:00.480> what<00:41:00.640> I<00:41:00.880> needed.<00:41:02.640> And<00:41:03.200> uh<00:41:03.680> at<00:41:03.839> the<00:41:04.000> end<00:41:04.160> of<00:41:04.319> Chase's<00:41:04.880> talk,<00:41:06.800> you<00:41:06.960> know,<00:41:07.040> he<00:41:07.280> had<00:41:07.440> like<00:41:07.680> a<00:41:07.760> a

00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:13.040
Q&A<00:41:08.480> session<00:41:09.119> and<00:41:09.359> the<00:41:09.599> microphone<00:41:10.000> was<00:41:10.160> in<00:41:10.319> the<00:41:10.480> middle<00:41:10.560> of<00:41:10.720> the<00:41:10.880> room,<00:41:11.680> all<00:41:11.920> these<00:41:12.160> people<00:41:12.480> around.

00:41:13.040 --> 00:41:19.920
I<00:41:13.280> was<00:41:13.359> the<00:41:13.520> youngest<00:41:13.839> guy<00:41:14.000> in<00:41:14.160> the<00:41:14.319> room<00:41:14.480> by<00:41:15.280> a<00:41:15.520> lot<00:41:15.680> of<00:41:15.839> years<00:41:16.079> it<00:41:16.319> seemed<00:41:16.800> and<00:41:17.920> I<00:41:18.160> felt<00:41:18.400> super<00:41:18.720> out<00:41:18.880> of<00:41:18.960> place<00:41:19.119> at<00:41:19.359> this<00:41:19.520> conference.

00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:24.640
But<00:41:20.000> as<00:41:20.160> soon<00:41:20.319> as<00:41:20.400> I<00:41:20.480> heard<00:41:20.720> him<00:41:20.880> talk,<00:41:21.839> I<00:41:22.079> just<00:41:22.240> had<00:41:22.480> there<00:41:22.640> was<00:41:22.800> one<00:41:22.960> more<00:41:23.119> thing<00:41:23.200> I<00:41:23.440> had<00:41:23.520> to<00:41:23.680> do.

00:41:24.640 --> 00:41:29.280
So<00:41:24.800> I<00:41:25.040> walked<00:41:25.200> up<00:41:25.359> to<00:41:25.440> the<00:41:25.599> microphone<00:41:26.480> and<00:41:26.800> I<00:41:26.960> asked<00:41:27.280> him<00:41:27.839> while<00:41:28.079> he<00:41:28.240> was<00:41:28.400> standing<00:41:28.560> on<00:41:28.720> the<00:41:28.880> main<00:41:29.040> stage.

00:41:29.280 --> 00:41:37.520
I<00:41:29.440> said,<00:41:29.520> "Chase,<00:41:30.800> you<00:41:30.960> know,<00:41:31.200> I've<00:41:31.680> I've<00:41:32.000> gone<00:41:32.240> through<00:41:32.400> this<00:41:32.640> experience<00:41:32.960> and<00:41:33.200> I<00:41:33.440> have<00:41:33.760> really<00:41:34.160> really<00:41:34.560> struggled<00:41:35.680> integrating<00:41:36.240> this<00:41:36.480> experience.

00:41:37.520 --> 00:41:43.839
It<00:41:37.680> has<00:41:37.839> been<00:41:38.079> so<00:41:38.400> hard<00:41:38.560> for<00:41:38.800> me."<00:41:39.680> I<00:41:39.920> basically<00:41:40.240> asked<00:41:40.400> him,<00:41:40.560> I<00:41:40.640> said,<00:41:40.720> "Chase,<00:41:41.119> I<00:41:41.280> need<00:41:41.359> to<00:41:42.000> I<00:41:42.319> need<00:41:42.480> to<00:41:42.800> understand.

00:41:43.839 --> 00:41:49.280
I<00:41:44.079> need<00:41:44.240> you<00:41:44.400> to<00:41:44.560> tell<00:41:44.720> me<00:41:45.760> if<00:41:46.079> you've<00:41:46.319> experienced<00:41:46.720> some<00:41:46.880> of<00:41:46.960> the<00:41:47.200> same<00:41:47.359> things."

00:41:49.280 --> 00:41:53.440
And<00:41:50.800> he<00:41:51.119> literally<00:41:51.520> said<00:41:51.680> exactly<00:41:52.079> what<00:41:52.240> I<00:41:52.400> needed<00:41:52.480> to<00:41:52.640> hear.

00:41:53.440 --> 00:42:00.240
He<00:41:53.680> said<00:41:53.839> he<00:41:54.079> remembered<00:41:54.480> having<00:41:54.800> days<00:41:55.040> where<00:41:55.200> he<00:41:55.359> would<00:41:55.520> look<00:41:55.599> up<00:41:55.760> and<00:41:56.000> ask<00:41:56.240> God,<00:41:56.960> "Why<00:41:57.359> did<00:41:57.520> you<00:41:57.680> bring<00:41:57.839> me<00:41:58.079> back?"

00:42:00.240 --> 00:42:05.440
And<00:42:00.560> after<00:42:00.800> I<00:42:01.040> heard<00:42:01.200> that,<00:42:02.319> you<00:42:02.400> know,<00:42:02.560> the

00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:09.680
I<00:42:05.760> just<00:42:05.920> felt<00:42:06.160> so<00:42:06.319> much<00:42:06.480> peace.

00:42:09.680 --> 00:42:16.000
What<00:42:10.000> happened<00:42:10.240> after<00:42:10.480> the<00:42:10.720> conference<00:42:11.040> was,<00:42:12.079> you<00:42:12.160> know,<00:42:12.319> I<00:42:12.480> felt<00:42:12.720> really<00:42:13.119> called<00:42:13.680> to<00:42:14.720> help<00:42:15.040> people.

00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:23.680
So,<00:42:16.319> I<00:42:16.640> ended<00:42:16.880> up<00:42:17.359> partnering<00:42:17.839> with<00:42:18.000> one<00:42:18.160> of<00:42:18.240> my<00:42:18.400> friends<00:42:18.640> and<00:42:18.880> we<00:42:19.040> ended<00:42:19.280> up<00:42:19.440> opening<00:42:19.760> a<00:42:20.000> a<00:42:20.560> local<00:42:20.880> baseball<00:42:21.359> training<00:42:21.760> facility<00:42:22.720> for<00:42:23.040> athletes.

00:42:23.680 --> 00:42:28.000
And<00:42:23.920> my<00:42:24.160> primary<00:42:24.560> role<00:42:24.880> there<00:42:25.599> was<00:42:25.839> to<00:42:26.079> be<00:42:26.160> the<00:42:26.400> mental<00:42:26.720> performance<00:42:27.280> coach.

00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:36.319
Was<00:42:28.240> to<00:42:28.400> basically<00:42:28.800> help<00:42:29.040> them<00:42:29.359> work<00:42:29.680> through<00:42:30.560> the<00:42:30.880> things<00:42:31.119> that<00:42:31.359> were<00:42:31.599> blocking<00:42:32.240> their<00:42:32.560> ability<00:42:32.880> to<00:42:33.119> perform<00:42:33.440> at<00:42:33.599> a<00:42:33.760> really<00:42:33.920> really<00:42:34.160> high<00:42:34.400> level,<00:42:35.359> which<00:42:35.599> I<00:42:35.839> knew<00:42:36.079> so

00:42:36.319 --> 00:42:44.720
well<00:42:36.640> because<00:42:37.440> obviously<00:42:37.920> my<00:42:38.160> addiction<00:42:38.480> to<00:42:38.640> pornography,<00:42:39.760> social<00:42:40.079> media,<00:42:40.880> I<00:42:41.119> could<00:42:41.280> just<00:42:41.440> relate<00:42:41.760> to<00:42:41.920> these<00:42:42.240> these<00:42:42.560> highle<00:42:43.040> athletes<00:42:43.599> on<00:42:43.839> a<00:42:44.079> a<00:42:44.400> level

00:42:44.720 --> 00:42:50.000
that<00:42:45.359> was<00:42:45.680> experiential,<00:42:46.720> you<00:42:46.800> know,<00:42:47.040> rather<00:42:47.280> than<00:42:47.440> something<00:42:47.680> I<00:42:47.839> had<00:42:48.000> kind<00:42:48.160> of<00:42:48.240> read<00:42:48.400> out<00:42:48.560> of<00:42:48.640> a<00:42:48.880> book.

00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:58.800
And<00:42:50.079> I<00:42:50.240> did<00:42:50.400> that<00:42:50.560> for<00:42:50.640> a<00:42:50.800> little<00:42:50.960> while<00:42:51.520> and<00:42:51.760> then<00:42:52.079> I<00:42:52.400> eventually<00:42:53.440> started<00:42:53.760> working<00:42:54.000> with<00:42:54.160> retired<00:42:54.560> Lieutenant<00:42:54.960> Colonel<00:42:55.280> Scott<00:42:55.520> Man<00:42:57.680> with<00:42:57.920> his<00:42:58.240> company.

00:42:58.800 --> 00:43:07.680
And<00:42:59.280> what<00:42:59.599> we<00:42:59.839> do<00:43:00.000> is<00:43:00.160> we<00:43:00.480> help<00:43:01.839> you<00:43:02.000> know<00:43:02.240> founders,<00:43:02.960> business<00:43:03.280> leaders,<00:43:04.079> near-death<00:43:04.560> experiencers<00:43:06.240> tell<00:43:06.560> their<00:43:06.880> story

00:43:07.680 --> 00:43:15.920
in<00:43:07.920> such<00:43:08.160> a<00:43:08.319> way<00:43:08.480> that,<00:43:09.040> you<00:43:09.200> know,<00:43:09.280> is<00:43:09.440> maybe<00:43:09.680> so<00:43:09.920> captivating<00:43:10.400> that<00:43:10.880> it<00:43:11.119> has<00:43:11.359> maximum<00:43:11.760> impact<00:43:12.160> for<00:43:12.319> the<00:43:12.480> listener.

00:43:15.920 --> 00:43:24.400
For<00:43:16.079> a<00:43:16.319> long<00:43:16.480> time<00:43:16.720> after<00:43:17.040> my<00:43:17.280> experience,<00:43:18.560> you<00:43:18.720> know,<00:43:18.800> it<00:43:19.040> took<00:43:19.200> me<00:43:19.440> seven<00:43:19.760> years<00:43:20.160> chasing<00:43:20.560> this<00:43:21.520> sacred<00:43:22.079> undefined<00:43:22.880> idea<00:43:23.359> of<00:43:23.920> becoming

00:43:24.400 --> 00:43:30.560
ready<00:43:24.640> to<00:43:24.800> die<00:43:25.280> and<00:43:25.839> I<00:43:26.079> have<00:43:26.160> to<00:43:26.319> live<00:43:26.480> into<00:43:26.720> this<00:43:26.880> great<00:43:27.119> purpose,<00:43:27.440> you<00:43:27.599> know,<00:43:27.680> that<00:43:27.920> Mike<00:43:28.560> shared<00:43:28.880> that<00:43:29.040> I<00:43:29.280> had.

00:43:30.560 --> 00:43:39.680
You<00:43:30.720> know,<00:43:30.800> for<00:43:30.960> a<00:43:31.200> long<00:43:31.280> time<00:43:31.520> I<00:43:31.760> thought<00:43:31.920> my<00:43:32.240> purpose<00:43:32.560> was<00:43:34.400> to<00:43:34.640> be<00:43:35.280> maybe<00:43:35.520> a<00:43:35.760> coach<00:43:36.319> or<00:43:36.640> a<00:43:36.880> speaker<00:43:37.359> or<00:43:37.680> somebody<00:43:38.000> who<00:43:38.240> helps<00:43:38.640> people.

00:43:39.680 --> 00:43:47.440
But<00:43:39.920> what<00:43:40.079> I<00:43:40.240> came<00:43:40.400> to,<00:43:41.760> the<00:43:42.079> conclusion<00:43:42.400> I<00:43:42.640> came<00:43:42.800> to<00:43:43.280> about<00:43:43.599> my<00:43:43.839> purpose<00:43:44.160> is<00:43:44.400> that<00:43:45.359> it's<00:43:45.680> really<00:43:45.920> just<00:43:46.079> to<00:43:46.240> be<00:43:46.400> myself.

00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:52.000
You<00:43:47.599> know,<00:43:47.839> like<00:43:49.920> all<00:43:50.160> of<00:43:50.319> us<00:43:50.560> are<00:43:50.800> one<00:43:51.040> of<00:43:51.280> one.

00:43:52.000 --> 00:43:55.760
You<00:43:52.079> know,<00:43:52.240> we<00:43:52.400> were<00:43:52.640> created<00:43:53.280> uniquely<00:43:53.920> as<00:43:54.319> who<00:43:54.560> we<00:43:54.800> are.

00:43:55.760 --> 00:44:04.480
And<00:43:56.240> I<00:43:56.480> feel<00:43:56.640> like<00:43:56.800> my<00:43:57.040> purpose,<00:43:57.839> and<00:43:58.640> I<00:43:58.880> can't<00:43:59.040> speak<00:43:59.200> for<00:43:59.359> anybody<00:43:59.760> else,<00:44:00.079> but<00:44:00.640> the<00:44:00.880> way<00:44:00.960> that<00:44:01.119> I<00:44:01.280> interpret<00:44:01.680> my<00:44:01.920> purpose<00:44:02.240> is<00:44:02.560> to<00:44:02.800> just<00:44:03.119> be<00:44:04.160> the

00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:09.839
most<00:44:04.720> authentic,<00:44:05.839> truest<00:44:06.400> version<00:44:06.800> of<00:44:07.359> who<00:44:07.599> Bubba<00:44:08.240> was<00:44:08.560> created<00:44:08.880> to<00:44:09.040> be.

00:44:09.839 --> 00:44:15.119
In<00:44:10.000> the<00:44:10.240> same<00:44:10.400> way<00:44:10.560> that,<00:44:11.440> you<00:44:11.599> know,<00:44:11.680> if<00:44:11.839> I'm<00:44:12.000> an<00:44:12.160> oak<00:44:12.480> tree,<00:44:13.040> I'm<00:44:13.280> not<00:44:13.440> going<00:44:13.520> to<00:44:13.599> try<00:44:13.760> to<00:44:13.839> be<00:44:13.920> a<00:44:14.079> palm<00:44:14.319> tree.

00:44:15.119 --> 00:44:23.359
I'm<00:44:15.359> just<00:44:15.440> going<00:44:15.520> to<00:44:15.599> be<00:44:15.680> an<00:44:15.839> oak<00:44:16.000> tree.<00:44:17.520> And<00:44:17.680> you<00:44:17.839> know<00:44:17.920> what<00:44:18.079> I<00:44:18.319> found<00:44:18.640> is<00:44:20.480> what<00:44:20.800> works<00:44:21.119> for<00:44:21.359> me<00:44:22.000> is<00:44:22.480> anything<00:44:22.880> that<00:44:23.119> is

00:44:23.359 --> 00:44:32.079
creative.<00:44:24.640> Meaning<00:44:26.240> anything<00:44:26.560> that<00:44:26.960> requires<00:44:27.440> me<00:44:27.760> to<00:44:28.000> put<00:44:28.240> focus<00:44:28.560> and<00:44:28.800> attention<00:44:29.200> on<00:44:29.520> bringing<00:44:29.839> something<00:44:30.319> into<00:44:30.720> being<00:44:31.680> rather

00:44:32.079 --> 00:44:36.319
than<00:44:32.640> taking<00:44:32.960> something<00:44:33.200> that<00:44:33.440> is<00:44:33.599> already<00:44:34.000> into<00:44:34.319> being<00:44:34.560> and<00:44:34.880> consuming<00:44:35.359> it.

00:44:36.319 --> 00:44:44.640
So<00:44:36.640> in<00:44:36.800> terms<00:44:36.960> of<00:44:37.119> dealing<00:44:37.440> with<00:44:37.599> emotions,<00:44:38.319> what<00:44:38.480> I<00:44:38.720> do<00:44:38.880> now<00:44:39.359> is<00:44:39.680> when<00:44:39.839> I<00:44:40.000> feel<00:44:40.240> something<00:44:40.560> heavy<00:44:41.280> or<00:44:41.599> maybe<00:44:42.079> less<00:44:42.400> desirable<00:44:42.960> to<00:44:43.280> feel,<00:44:44.160> I<00:44:44.400> will

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use<00:44:44.880> that<00:44:45.119> and<00:44:45.359> channel<00:44:45.599> it<00:44:45.839> into<00:44:46.240> creation<00:44:46.800> rather<00:44:47.119> than<00:44:47.359> consumption.

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So<00:44:49.440> you<00:44:49.599> know,<00:44:49.839> writing,<00:44:50.800> journaling,<00:44:51.920> martial<00:44:52.240> arts,<00:44:53.119> going<00:44:53.280> on<00:44:53.599> walks,<00:44:54.880> spending<00:44:55.200> time<00:44:55.359> on<00:44:55.520> the<00:44:55.760> water,<00:44:57.119> maybe

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painting,<00:44:58.640> singing,<00:44:59.920> I<00:45:00.160> don't<00:45:00.240> know,<00:45:00.720> anything<00:45:01.040> that<00:45:01.280> is<00:45:01.920> putting<00:45:02.160> something<00:45:02.400> into<00:45:02.640> the<00:45:02.800> universe<00:45:03.040> that<00:45:03.280> wasn't<00:45:03.520> there<00:45:03.760> before.

00:45:05.520 --> 00:45:10.720
In<00:45:05.680> terms<00:45:05.839> of<00:45:06.079> practices,<00:45:07.200> I<00:45:07.440> do<00:45:07.599> a<00:45:07.760> lot<00:45:07.839> of<00:45:08.000> meditation,<00:45:09.119> breath<00:45:09.440> work.

00:45:10.720 --> 00:45:14.800
I<00:45:10.960> mean,<00:45:11.200> for<00:45:11.440> me,<00:45:12.000> the<00:45:12.240> voice<00:45:12.480> in<00:45:12.640> my<00:45:12.800> head<00:45:12.960> is<00:45:13.200> always<00:45:14.319> talking.

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And<00:45:14.960> the<00:45:15.119> voice<00:45:15.359> in<00:45:15.520> my<00:45:15.680> head,<00:45:15.920> it's<00:45:16.160> hard<00:45:16.319> to<00:45:16.720> define<00:45:17.119> what<00:45:17.359> that<00:45:17.599> is<00:45:17.920> cuz<00:45:18.160> it's<00:45:18.400> so<00:45:18.560> abstract.

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I<00:45:20.240> really<00:45:20.480> try<00:45:20.640> to<00:45:20.800> spend<00:45:21.040> as<00:45:21.280> much<00:45:21.440> time<00:45:21.599> as<00:45:21.760> I<00:45:22.000> can<00:45:22.319> observing<00:45:23.200> that<00:45:23.520> voice<00:45:24.240> and<00:45:24.560> not<00:45:25.040> identifying<00:45:25.599> w<00:45:26.000> with<00:45:26.240> it,<00:45:26.640> you<00:45:26.800> know,<00:45:26.880> cuz<00:45:28.160> what

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I<00:45:28.480> learned<00:45:28.640> in<00:45:28.800> my<00:45:28.880> near-death<00:45:29.440> experience<00:45:30.560> is<00:45:30.800> that<00:45:31.040> I<00:45:31.200> am<00:45:31.359> not<00:45:31.599> that<00:45:31.839> voice.

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I<00:45:33.440> am<00:45:33.599> something<00:45:34.480> eternal.<00:45:35.040> I<00:45:35.359> am<00:45:35.760> something<00:45:36.160> that<00:45:37.680> is<00:45:37.920> much<00:45:38.160> more<00:45:38.400> powerful<00:45:38.800> than<00:45:39.040> that<00:45:39.200> voice<00:45:39.599> and<00:45:40.079> grounded<00:45:40.880> than<00:45:41.119> that

00:45:41.359 --> 00:45:51.280
voice.<00:45:42.240> And<00:45:42.480> I<00:45:42.800> try<00:45:43.040> to<00:45:43.200> live<00:45:43.440> my<00:45:43.760> life<00:45:44.800> in<00:45:45.119> that<00:45:45.440> seat,<00:45:46.000> you<00:45:46.160> know,<00:45:46.319> connected<00:45:46.640> to<00:45:46.880> who<00:45:47.040> I<00:45:47.280> truly<00:45:47.599> am<00:45:47.839> at<00:45:48.000> my<00:45:48.240> core,<00:45:48.720> my<00:45:48.960> soul.

00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:55.440
I<00:45:51.440> think<00:45:51.599> we're<00:45:51.760> here<00:45:51.920> to<00:45:52.079> learn.<00:45:53.599> I<00:45:53.839> think<00:45:53.920> we're<00:45:54.079> here<00:45:54.240> to<00:45:54.400> love.

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And<00:45:55.920> ultimately,<00:45:56.319> I<00:45:56.560> think<00:45:56.640> we're<00:45:56.880> here<00:45:57.040> to<00:45:58.079> evolve,<00:45:59.040> you<00:45:59.119> know?

00:45:59.200 --> 00:46:08.319
I<00:45:59.440> think<00:45:59.520> we're<00:45:59.760> here<00:45:59.920> to<00:46:00.079> evolve<00:46:00.560> into<00:46:02.480> the<00:46:02.720> version<00:46:02.960> of<00:46:03.200> ourselves<00:46:03.680> that<00:46:04.800> might<00:46:05.119> move<00:46:05.359> on<00:46:05.760> after<00:46:06.079> this<00:46:06.400> life,<00:46:07.280> whatever

00:46:08.319 --> 00:46:11.119
whatever<00:46:08.640> that<00:46:08.880> is,<00:46:09.119> whatever<00:46:09.440> you<00:46:09.680> believe<00:46:09.920> that<00:46:10.160> to<00:46:10.319> be.

00:46:11.119 --> 00:46:20.000
But<00:46:11.359> I<00:46:11.520> I<00:46:11.839> think<00:46:12.000> we're<00:46:12.640> here<00:46:12.880> to<00:46:13.119> learn<00:46:13.680> and<00:46:14.079> love<00:46:14.400> and<00:46:14.720> just<00:46:14.960> be<00:46:15.200> connected<00:46:15.680> to<00:46:16.319> each<00:46:16.560> other,<00:46:17.200> to<00:46:17.359> ourselves,<00:46:18.240> to<00:46:18.400> the<00:46:18.640> natural<00:46:19.119> world,

00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:24.160
and<00:46:20.319> ultimately<00:46:20.720> to<00:46:21.680> to<00:46:22.160> God.